NEW LIFE / NEW ME - AIRBORNE II

[Fartiltre]

Just received a text from W:
Hey you. All drop offs at school and kindergarten has been great this week ;-). I have the bag ready this afternoon. On the 23 I would like to come around midday if that’s all right. I have to go to mom before it gets to late. The 25. sounds very very nice, but we will not be back before late afternoon, so I will have to save this to another day. On the 26 SIL will be here as well. Will it be all right if all three of us comes out before the church….?
Ds are looking forward – have a nice day

2 min later
PS they didn’t have a bath yesterday so they might need a quick shower :-)

I had build up expectations! Cr@p!

I answered:
Everythings sounds just fine. I will pick up the bag around 1445. Enjoy the day :-)

I changed my coverpicture on FB yesterday to a picture of the children. Same picture as I put in the Christmas Cards. I got a like from W on this.
FB is great for me these days! I am building up new “friends”. Getting nice comment’s on my posts. Got a message from a distant relative yesterday. I sent her my Christmas card and got a nice thank you back.

Melissa,
Thanks for all your support!
Please do not take the below as me defending my actions or lack of same. It’s just me trying to explain them to you.

You are thinking waaayyyyyy too much.
I know, it happens.
Stop overthinking every step.

Yup! Done this all my life in all situations: Business, gardening, M, friends …. It all! It’s who I am and I think it would be easier to stop time. KaffeDiem once told me to be spontaneous and what do I do? Sat my self down and started thinking about what to do that could be spontaneous

When in doubt, just be quiet.

Can’t do that! I wouldn’t have said a word to W for half a year I have been so confused and so doubtful all the way through this.

"is this going to further my goal of R with my W?"

I have seen this sentence so many times but I still do not trust myself to judge this! I made so many wrong calls at first that I have to go with advice.

Oh, and what can you do to improve your confidence level? You need this for you, and to have any shot at R. Do you work out? I find that exercise is GREAT for confidence. Why is it so low when you are around W? She is just a person, after all. Just as imperfect as you. Are you putting her on a pedestal still?

I have taken a severe beating (Health-issues, bankruptcy, BD and more) this year and I think time will heal me! I try not to put W on a pedestal and sometimes I succeed. I have given her too much power towards my own happiness and I properly still am. I started running when all of this happened but due to hernia and surgery this summer I stopped. Right now I have a hard time finding the motivation and time all though I know it will make me feel good.
I work my confidence through shrink and GAL right now. I also work my business but so far I have had a hard time concentrating and focusing. I need my business to have success – both for income and confidence.
Writing this I realize that I might have an even bigger problem here than I thought!!!

I pretend that it is someone else asking the question, and me giving the advice.

I will try doing this! That just might work!

Thanks Melissa!
F