Dealing with Uncertainty...

[NeedingMore]

Thanks everyone. Barrybran and 2ndTimeHurt, I have to check your threads.

Thanks for checking in Groov

Slow,

Funny you should say that. I was thinking about it today. Since I started commuting for work, I have been staying with my friend and her husband. BF doesn't really ask about my schedule. He did ask about my bday but sadly, I was hoping that I would have to work so I wouldn't have to worry about him and what he may or may not do. I don't typically celebrate my b-day too much, and I am at my moms (who I am not thrilled about spending time with) so I think I will try to find something to do with my kids. I don't know.

I have been guilty about texting him back too quickly. I have been getting better about this. Especially since working. I purposefully do not keep my phone on me at work. So this is helping a lot. Our situation is so weird, and he is hard to read. He texts a lot then he doesn't...he texts back fast and then he waits. I don't know.

I will say that for the last few days, I have felt more normal than I have since this all began. I haven't even cried. (Ok, today I cried for 2 minutes. I think it was more because of my mom being rude to me though!)It feels good to be "me" again. I am taking great comfort in becoming a better person. Sometimes I think about my R with BF and I still have a lot of guilt for things I should have done differently. I believe this is where most of my pain comes from. I hope its not too late.

Anyway, thanks Slow, I need these reminders to be patient. It has never been my strong suit. I think about that being the thing that got me here in the first place.

The next few days should be interesting. I have three final projects to finish for school, work, my b-day and of course X-mas shopping to do! I am going to focus on buying some meaningful gifts and doing it with joy!