wife moved to.parents house last week scared

[paul19510]

Thanks All. I typed the original post on my kindle. Sorry for typos LOL. I am working with coach Jody and did last year at this time as well. We'll speak again after the holidays. She recommended giving W a summary email of events at the house one time per week to keep her aware. I also made Xmas eve plans with the kids that are different than any other ones we've had. That way, no old memories. This is our first Xmas in 17 years without each other.

With 3 kids we have almost daily contact on some level (text, email or voice). I am limiting that to essential topics only. I can't really go to NC.

I started working out each morning at the Y before the kids o to school. Feels great and I usually don't need any anxiety meds when I do that.
W stays at her parent's and usually takes one of the kids with her over night. She has also stayed across the street with friends of ours for several night due to bad weather and house sitting too. They did contact me to say it was awkward and that they were not taking sides. The offered her a place to sleep that is close to our barn (we have 5 horses...W's thing really) so she doesn't have to travel 30 mins just to do morning chores.

Jody mentioned these things usually happen when WAS feels awful about things in general, and in fact W shared that she felt awful about the kids, the house, and her job and me too when we ha our first BIG talk about this on 11/9. I asked her if she needed some time to herself and told her we could look into it, b/c things at the house were getting very bad and the kids and we were suffering. She thought about it until the day after Thanksgiving and then told me she was moving to parents.


I also read No More Mr nice guy. Great ideas about giving too much up and becoming resentful. that's me. I ran the house and took care of the family like a single parent for almost 2 years now. W went to work and took care of her horses. In fact now that she's gone I realized that my day to day life is no different. Family and friends mean well, but the say let her go and stop hurting. Not sure why, but I'm not ready. Does this make me crazy?

My 180's are to stop helping and offering things. Makes it worse per Jody when WAS feels like I am trying to save her.

another 180 is to stop chasing. Other than essential stuff and I try to ask if anything is 'essential' now, I don't contact her.

When the topic of our sitch did come up during this past week she cries and says she misses the kids. I told her WE miss you also. She just stares at the ground.

There were more frequent contacts in the first 4 days gone and she came into the house during those days and made herself coffee and sat around with the kids. Now things are trailing off. She no longer comes into the house and tries to avoid bumping into me when she pulls in the driveway. That was during the same week she went from "I just need time to think...to telling the neighbor's wife, "I'm Done" She did not tell me that ad I won't bring it up either. OK that's all I have for now. thanks to all for any guidance.