25, some of us come to these board shattered and broken, myself included. While it's true that I first thought my xh was in a MLC I now know that a lot more contributed to his breakdown which just happened to be at midlife. It took many months of counseling and recovery to understand the insidious abuse I suffered for over two decades. And, yes 25, it did seem sudden. You clearly have never suffered psychology abuse or are well versed in it or you wouldn't have been so cruel.
MLC is a generic term to me now. I don't understand why you thought it was necessary to come to my thread, write about me as if I wasn't participating, and show other posters where you feel I continue to be delusional. What was your point?
My post was to make two points. One, that your post was valuable in warning others about the legal aspects to divorce regardless of whether the spouse is in MLC or a serial cheater or suddenly depressed or just...whatever else there is. Because legally/financially, it makes no difference once a divorce is happening, you have to deal with it.
There are people who fear seeing a lawyer as if it mandates divorce. I'm glad you posted that it's not the case.
My second point was that I don't think we should spend so much time on labels here. I think it hinders our own growth b/c we keep the focus on the one person we surely have no control over, our departing spouse.
I too was suprsised by my h's behavior and some of it WAS absolutely new (like suddenly not paying any bills after 20 years of paying ahead of time).
But some of it was stuff I had not wanted to see before.
The thing is, I'm reconciled and we are doing pretty well.
Yet I spent over a year of my life back then, asking questions that have no good answers, ALL about my h and his "MLC" and I spent almost all the DB time in the MLC forum, I guess because I thought it increased the chance of a reconciliation or lessened the pain...
Frankly, I cannot recall my exact reasoning then, but I know I clung to the MLC forum for dear life, for too long. MY biggest regret
is how much time I wasted on making this about my h, all while here in a solution based approach (as opposed to therapy about why, or to address our own underlying or accompanying issues or childhood things).
While I agree THAT those issues of ours DO need attention, they're often separate matters.
SOME of my issues had nothing to do with my marriage or husband but stil need addressing. AND some of those unrelated issues sort of become related b/c those issues still effected the r. I honestly believe if I had kept on making it about my h and the label of WAH versus MLC, & WHY HE was doing whatever he was doing/planning/feeling or intending, etc,
and Not on creating my new life, that we'd be divorced instead of together.
I think it's important that we work on ourselves b/c we are all we can control. By keeping the focus on our spouses, who may be or are leaving us, we deflect away from insights we need to have about ourselves, and sometimes we spend so much time on the WAH/MLCer, we never get to US.
As a L, I want people (especially women who have been out of the work force for years, b/c they are often the most afraid) to stop letting fears of litigation or lawyers in general, keep them paralyzed in fear. That's why I posted here.
I wish I had made a direct comment to you (so you didn't feel as if I was referring to an uninvolved 3rd party). But I was interrupted during my post and pushed submit without proofing it carefully.
Sorry that offended you as I meant no offense.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
