I'm still not clear on why you don't want to pick them up other than you're pi$$ed at her. Your kids have no part in that.
It sounds as if everything in their lives is up to W.
Maybe you should have a talk with W and say "I want to do my share with the kids. Let's talk about our schedules for the next week and we can plan who will do what. I'm uncomfortable when I have to make changes in my schedule the night before." or whatever your comfort level is.
Would this be a 180 for you?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Yes they are my kids, and yes its just more or less that Im pissed about picking them up tonight.
Up until 2 months ago (after the D talk) she only worked part time, and we both knew what the schedule was. Now Ive only been home 2 weeks and Im finding all this out either a day or 2 in advance and its very odd to me. I have been cooperative until this morning.
But you know labug it would be a huge 180 for ME to ask about a schedule and for ME to make plans as to who's doing what. She is a very structured women and loves to have a plan. I on the other hand, am not and she has told me in the past that it frustrates her. Good Idea for a 180,
Thank you very much
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
I first wanted to thank everyone for their time and help. I dont think I could/would have done any of this without you.
You see, I am really have a tough time with Detaching and DB'ing and GAL. I started reading DR and trying to follow the best I can, but I cannot get her off my mind and how bad I want this to work out. I cannot get my poor boys, and how this will effect the rest of their lives off my mind. I just cant shake it no matter how hard I try. I cant tell whether I'm coming or going, whether its up or down. My entire chest feels so heavy. I cant wait to go to sleep at night.
When Im home and around WAS, I feel afraid to talk and sometimes even look at her. I feel that if I talk too much I am not detaching. She's been talking quite a bit, and I try to respond with short and sweet answers. Im Honestly just acting right now. I dont think I can detach. Im following most if not all of sandi's rules but it just doesnt feel right, I AM JUST ACTING RIGHT NOW.
Here comes the mind games...
Now at the same time, being back at home almost feels NORMAL. For the most part were back in a normal routine of life. (kids, lunches, showers, feeding dogs, vacuuming, laundry, Watching tv at night, etc etc) As if nothing ever happened, as if were not getting a D, as if the D talk has never even came up.
I also feel guilty about moving back home. She did'nt want me too, she said "What do you think 5 weeks fixes years worth of craziness" I told her no, I dont think it fixed anything but I was still coming home and I did. The day I after I told her that was when she filed the D papers.
I dont feel that im doing anything right at the moment.
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
What mind games? You're following DBing principles which has relieved the fighting which it is meant to do and made things better. Keep being patient and mark down your progress.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
dxw, you don't address anger issues by choosing not to be angry, you learn to explore where your anger comes from, why you feel it, and what the best appropriate action is when you feel it. Anger isn't bad, it is neutral, it is a warning sign for you to heed. If you learn more about yourself you may feel less angry, and if you learn better skills you may know what to do when your angry that doesn't negatively impact your relationships but in fact may draw them closer.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
What mind games? You're following DBing principles which has relieved the fighting which it is meant to do and made things better. Keep being patient and mark down your progress.
Your probably right but the crazy thing there wasn't much if any fighting Before, during or after she dropped the D bomb. There was pleanty of hurt afterward but no fighting. For the first month when I was living at my moms she would hardly even talk to me or even look at me. This even continued during the first few days I came back home but now, like I said it feels NORMAL at times
I kinda wish there was some fighting, but there wasn't. We probably talked about the D and the reason she wants the D for an hour maybe 2 at the most. I didn't know what to say. There was nothing I could say, her mind was made up, she was done. I sometimes feel like I'm making this easy for her.
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Thanks PatientMan, I read both of them twice already this morning, and it helped alot.
Also, you mentioned having a 2"x4" paper with bible verses and help advice from this site. Would you mind sharing that with me, I would really appreciate it.
Thanks again for all your help and I am praying for you this day and every day.
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
