It's just a moment; This time will pass

[job]

I think your gad gift would be greatly appreciated. It's something that anyone can enjoy and you might need to have the recipe handy because the person who receives it is going to come back and ask for it.

As for your h's family...what a group of disgruntled people. I swear, the holidays and family members dying brings out the nasty in people I agreed, your son doesn't need to get in the middle of that mess and he should go wherever he wants to go.

I do hope you are having a better week. Enjoy the time w/your family.

[Wonka]

WR,

A bit off the point here.

Here's something that Bets posted to Ad over in the 'Big D' forum that you might want to store away as a future reference for the next round with Peter Pan. Perhaps this is something you can do? I'd check into this and do my homework on this idea.

"Side note on a house refi. I had a close friend who was a mortgage broker who gave me the best advice ever. Before any filing, he had my XH sign the quit claim and we did the refi in my name only. It looked better on paper that we were married. (You don't have to disclose a separation that has not been filed.)"

[BrightFuture]

I did this in June. H singed the claim deed and I refinanced to my name only. Nobody asked me about us being married or not, they only wanted the proof of my income.

[Whiterose]

I think I understand but H, in his infinite need to escape, had the notice of pending separation filed so that if any bank looks at they will see what's happening. He did that so I couldn't take out a loan against the house, cause you know it's ME with the spending problems......

He emails me this morning (I was a little surprised that he even asked me as he's been in contact with S19....to a limited extent anyway)

Hi WR,
Need to confirm times with you for Christmas..
I see the kids mass is at 5pm can you please let me know what time I can pick up the boys.
Thank you
(H's initials)

Hi H
I would think that Mass is over approx 6:15, usual time, and our boys should be outside the church around then.
WR

SIDE NOTE the "Our" was for you wonka LOL

OK i will pick them up at the house at 6:30

I REALLY want to email him back and say I had no plans on going home but directly to my sister's house so you can pick them up at Church or at her house but I think that may cause some issues?? I also thought to give him his box of ornaments, the ones I've purchased for him through the years....there's only a few.....and S14's photo. There's also this motorized santa, that we added christmas lights to the tree....it's about 24-28" tall, that reads "The Night Before Christmas" that he bought years ago and was very proud of it. I don't know if I should pack that up for him too? Don't know if he'd think that I was insulting him or something.

[Whiterose]

and now a text.....

wanting to know what I had bought the boys as he doesn't want us getting the same thing.

I did mention to them to ensure they gave us different lists as its not fair one parent has to return their gift. I'm also worried he wants to know how much I've spent and/or looking for ideas

[LoisB]

Keep the stuff unless he specifically asks for it or you want it gone.

Ask him to tell you what HE got them and then reply if there is a duplicate.

[LoisB]

You can be diplomatic by saying, "I'm in the middle of something right now. If you're worried, just give me an idea of what you bought and I will let you know if I got the same. Thanks."

[Whiterose]

thanks Heather.....I kept it very short and neutral.

I did tell them to make sure they gave us two different lists It wouldn't be fair for one of us to have to return something.

Got an "OK"

since I was expecting no response (or any contact AT ALL until the new year after last Friday's court hearing) I'll take it as a he's starting to figure out how this works. YEAH RIGHT LOL

I want to give him his ornaments, I don't want them on my tree anyway, and he did ask for S14's photo and I feel bad for how he must be feeling right now and would like him to have one. Not sure about santa yet....I don't want it really but don't know if he'll take it all wrong either.

[job]

WR,
I suspect your h won't be decorating a tree this year, but will be spending time around his sister's tree.

I would box all of his stuff up, such as ornaments and put them in a storage place. If he wanted them, he would have asked for them. BTW, did he ever get is other stuff he was asking for?

As for the photo, your son gave give it to him Christmas Eve.

I know you feel sorry for him...but he made this mess and now he' got to figure out how to fix himself and the situation w/his family.

[Whiterose]

OK Job, I was hoping to get rid of more of his stuff, but I don't want to start a war either. His family does Christmas Eve, all they do, maybe time with his parent's but everyone does their own thing on Christmas day.

He did get his stuff, I left it out in the greenhouse, he picks up whenever I tell him there's a box of stuff....he's actually good about that. I was going to get S14 to give him a photo.

He did, sh!t the bed on this one for sure.....I'll leave the rest alone. I guess christmas getting closer is making it worse for him. Me too. Went shopping to get S19 jeans for school as a present and he's a 36" length which is, now I know, near to impossible to find!!!! My first instinct was to call H but ended up calling my BIL who's also 6'3" for suggestions. I was sad but decided to surprise the boys with some mcdonald's (after I had already made dinner earlier) and watched "elf" with them. S14 was in his glory! He said I love christmas. Family is all together and we get treats and watch movies as a family. They had even wrapped my gifts and were under the tree when I got home....some are big and I worried that they were spending too much money and they both gave me a hug and said "you're worth it. The other option is living on the shore in a one bedroom with no furniture" Amazing what can come out of their mouths sometimes