Thanks AJM. I have a good support system of family and friends. I actively seek out wise council. You mentioned:
"My friends pointed out the same"
My friends and family all tell me the same thing. They tell me that I need to be more assertive. That I need to challange her more. That I need to enforce boundaries. The people who truly know us (including ALL of her family), all think that I tolerate too much and that I let her get her way too often.
I compromise regularly and put up with a lot in an attempt to avoid conflict. The result is that my W doesn't respect me, doesn't appreciate what I do and continually pushes for more. I have been a doormat for so long that I really struggle with this. Lately, I have been trying to be more assertive, to tell her no and to demand reciprication when I make compromises. It is not going well.
I do listen to the advice from this site and think about how to apply it. Let me give you a specific example that I am conflicted about. This morning my W texts me:
W: "I had to order D12's and D14's yearbooks. D14's was $76 and D12's was $51. Are you paying half? Also, I got a call from the school that one of the girls lunch account is overdrawn."
Me: "I will send $20 with each of the girls to school tomorrow to cover the balance. I spent $89 for D14's winter retreat. I will send you a check for the difference"
I immediately get a phone call back. She threatens to call her lawyer and insists that I pay for half the yearbooks. She doesn't want D14 going on the retreat (because she is mad at our church for asking her to leave). Not only won't she pay half, but D14 cannot go because they don't get back until Monday and she gets custody @ 5:00 Sunday. I tell her that she is welcome to take that position, but she needs to tell D14 and I will not be paying for 1/2 the yearbooks. If she wants to buy them for the girls, go ahead.
I already sent her over $2,500 last month, but she wants to give me grief about another $60. It never ends. She just keeps demanding more and more and more, and whenever I ask for anything, I get told to go pound sand.
I am seriously at a point where I will do exactly what the courts order me to and no more/ no less. I am tired of getting a phone call everyday nitpicking me for more money or telling me how to parent. I want a true seperation. I want her out of my life. If compromises are not reciprocated, I am done compromising.
