I got about halfway through DB and it was suggested to go ahead and read DR. So I'm about 1/3 through it.

I'm working, taking care of our animals, getting out a bit, slowly cleaning the house, maintaining me-eating, showering, sleeping, etc, reading DB, DR, 5 Love Languages, online self help and this forum, talking with a good friend about this, making decisions and trying to have a good future plan for myself, drawing (a favorite hobby that I haven't had too much time for), looking at what went wrong on my part in the marriage-communication, controlling behavior, bad overall attitude, not affectionate enough, open and honest talk and expressing emotion, etc and what ways I can improve that, looking for a good therapist...

I'm still getting over the flu so I have a fever, meds, sleep, blah blah. I'll have to reread things and get them to set in my brain.

I worry about her. I still care and want to help but I just can't. For myself, my own good but for her too. She has to face consequences of her decisions and life without me, so on. It's tough but it's the way it is. I'm accepting this and that our marriage is over.

I have panic attacks here and there. But I'm dealing with them ok.
I still hangout with mutual friends. It's odd at times because I feel like they're analyzing my actions to report back to her. That's ok. I act normal-no moping or being sad, no talking about my situation, joking around, laughing, being myself. I'm drinking less because I think it caused me to be on a bad mood majority of the time and closed off.

I stopped by a friend's house yesterday evening, these are mutual friends-a married couple, and hungout a while. Just having fun and helping move furniture. When I told them I had to leave, get up early, things to do. They kinda freaked and both looked at me asking what I had to do, was I going anywhere...I didn't give any info other than I had things to take care of. Right before I left they were asking the same type of questions. Funny. I know my W and her still talk but idk what about. It's ok. I was in good spirits and was having fun.