Mach, Very well said. I couldn't have said it better.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"The "closer" that you feel, the more they will feel the need to push away from it.
Please do not let YOUR expectations ruin this magical time of the year. "
What do we do then? Its a fuzzy warm time of year. I don't like to be holding a grudge or negative feelings towards my h. What do you recommend I do, so that I don't push h further away during this time? Knowing this "closer" will push... I want to be "on guard" and aware. Thanks for telling me this.
Magic
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
What do we do then? Its a fuzzy warm time of year. I don't like to be holding a grudge or negative feelings towards my h. What do you recommend I do, so that I don't push h further away during this time? Knowing this "closer" will push... I want to be "on guard" and aware. Thanks for telling me this.
You start by taking your hand out of his cookie jar...
It's the same as we talk about all of the time...
Stay out of his head, and stay into your own head...
Make this Holiday season about yourself, and your children(?) ..
Let him take his ride on Santa's magic sleigh.....
Mach-Thanks for the analogy. Anything helps this time of year. 1st time decorating the house and tree with just me and the kids. I tried to enjoy it and partially succeeded. I am trying to get there.
It helps to know that we are not suffering alone this season. I am thankful for healthy kids, family, and friends. I am thankful that I have this forum to vent and help give me strength to keep going.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
Mach - and others, some fantastic postings. As for me, (I have hidden shallows as I think Mae West said) I have a killer dress and shoes for this Christmas.
I guess what I am trying to say is that YOU matter. Be good to yourself, and let your MLCer go and play with Santa'a little elves, or whatever these strange people do. As long as they do not interfere with the delivery of gifts.
I am frivolous now because I have walked the path and felt the pain, and as i keep banging the drum, there is life after the dust settles. Sometimes the restoration of your marriage isn't the best thing for you. I am not pro divorce, but it can be the only thing that saves us from the madness.
To those of you who are reconciling, or still working on the marriage, I wish a happy and stress free Christmas. To those who are still shell shocked and numb, this is probably the hardest thing you will ever do, but every day takes you a step further towards healing, and happiness.
Oh, and I would like peace on earth and goodwill to all
Oh, and I would like peace on earth and goodwill to all
Whirled peas?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
uR: It is NOT your fault. You are doing a great service here with your wonderful & informative postings. I need to take full ownership of my own feelings and thoughts.
Ambi: Generally speaking, I have forgiven myself and Ms. Wonka. However, I am catching myself drifting off to places that tells me that I need to re-examine why these thoughts and emotions are cropping up now.
Job: Yep, I started to notice that I was feeling somewhat straight-jacketed in the last 3 weeks and I wanted to break free. I'm going to borrow rH's phrase that right now I'm sorting out what is mine, what is happening externally that is making things a smidgen uncomfortable for me, what is 'that uncontrollable' factor that's been bothering me lately.
To a certain extent, the holidays are also having an effect on this process as well. No, I'm not having another MLC! Good Lord...no, no, no.
In a nutshell, I am experiencing some emotional 1-2 punches from reading Bea, Raine and uR threads. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I guess it pains me to see how much emotional pain that your MLCers have inflicted on you and I am feeling really awful that Ms. Wonka has faced somewhat similar circumstances. Maybe I am become way too aware or more insightful of these kinds of emotions that each one of you are experiencing.
This just makes me want to make amends with Ms. Wonka in some fashion. It is the inner ember that is starting burn hotter and hotter. My hesitation to do this are the two seemingly road-blocks in the path:
1) Ms. Wonka is still very much 'together' with the OW in a long-term relationship. 2) How is it truly possible to make amends with Ms. Wonka with the OW in the picture?
Lately, I've been mulling over and OVER Bea's comment in two threads back about making sincere amends. That really put cold water on my face reading it and made me realize that I truly need to make sincere effort for Ms. Wonka and I. Ms. Wonka's words still ring in my head to this day: "I want a closure and never got it."
I am flailing about on how to make amends with Ms. Wonka that are genuine and sincere. How???? What would it take for you to feel that your MCLer has made sincere amends? I want to firmly close chapter that is hanging by a loose, jagged end. I'm feeling a bit lost here on how best to proceed. Truly lost.
Bottom line: Ms. Wonka deserves this after all the pain she's endured with my crazy MLC antics.
