You are the recipient of my first ever 2x4- This is from a place of love.....
Her chattiness means NOTHING and stop mindreading- she is prob relieved because the papers were sent and you not acting like an arse.
Go back to living the best life you can - Use this time to keep being an awesome Dad. Become the confident man she originally fell in love with.
Do not let your emotions swing based on how she decides to act around you.
keep posting Nice work!
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
That is all very very positive. You showed your best side to W without pursuing, so she didn't feel the need to retreat. You were safe and being around you was rewarding for her. Perfect.
The other part to remember is to have no expectations. Keep doing the next right thing and let the chips fall, because you can't control your W's actions, thoughts, or feelings. You've got to let her come to her own realizations. So sometimes you're going to do all the right things and find out she met with a lawyer, or you're going to have a nice interaction and she gets moody. If you read other threads around here you'll see all kinds of confusing behavior. But you won't be confused because you know who you want to be.
When people go off track it's because they are trying to be whoever it takes to get their WAS back. It's false and it doesn't work. So have zero expectations and enjoy the good.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
You had to do it Positivespin? You had to hit me with that 2x4, Thank you. I have been mind reading from the start, I have to stop it. And your right I have to stay the course, stay strong.
adinva, Im not trying to have any expectations and I personally feel great about the changes I'm personally making. I should have realized it sooner, but I was living with blinders on and I didnt even know it. I was living for myself, even though I had family.
But in all honesty Im not just making these changes for me, I am making them for my boys too. I want them to see a patient, kind, caring, strong, confident Godly man, who hopefully will want to be and act the same when they grow up.
Its just really difficult when your with the women you love and dont want to lose her. I am trying to accept that she may never want to R and we might get D, but it is so very difficult.
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
Wow - this is all very helpful to me - I am in moderation, so have a hard time getting posts, but my husband moved out over Thanksgiving weekend and I only notified me we were having problems 6 weeks ago. I post sometimes, but don't see them due to moderation, but this has been a great thread for me to follow because I am having the same problems. I have also had anger issues and my husband has withdrawn - first emotionally, now physically. I don't know how to deal, but Thank you for the thread above and good luck following through, ScottCat...
M 20 yrs me 47 H 51 s11 d8
BD 10/8/13 H Moved out 11/30/13 OW slept over with children Dec '13 OW moved in w/H Jan '14
dxw689 feel free to chime in at anytime. maybe we can help each other along.
So I want to check here first to make sure Im making the right decision.
My WAS mentioned she went to counseling 1 time after she dropped the bomb, and stated "I told the counselor things I thought I would never tell anyone". So I asked are you still going, and she said No its too expensive. So I said, well it sounds like you had to get some stuff to get off your chest and I you should go back your own good. She agreed but the cost is still an issue
So as of today I found out that my work offers 5 free counseling sessions for employees/spouses/family. Its through a third party called CareBridge.
Im already seeing a counselor and I don't want to be pushy, but was wondering if I should tell her about this so she could take advantage of it?
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
I would tell her how to access it and tell her you're afraid of coming across as pushy but you'll provide the info and stop there.
dxw689 what are you doing to change your anger issues?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Adinva and ScottCat: We tried counseling twice, but the second time, my husband shut down and really didn't participate. I met with my pastor two times since then and brought up my anger issues: She said she did not see me as an angry person, and talked me through some things - and I have had a lot of friends reassure me, but my sister said she often sees me as angry and I know it has been true -in the last few years especially. I have tried yoga, but had gotten off track with that - have just started again this week. Had tried some meditation over the summer, but without much success.
I think in some ways, it is a mindset towards gratitude and trusting God/The Universe - corny as that may sound - that has helped me most recently come out of my stress and dissatisfaction that was contributing to my anger. I think I will continue with this gratitude -maybe a gratitude journal? Because my kids are really worth nurturing this attitude and have already helped me through this just by being who they are more than anything...
M 20 yrs me 47 H 51 s11 d8
BD 10/8/13 H Moved out 11/30/13 OW slept over with children Dec '13 OW moved in w/H Jan '14
Between yesterday and today I have become Angry toward my WAS. I dont think I let it show, I just haven't interact much.
In the past few days she has been asking me to do alot of favors that she could easily do herself. I feel like Im being walked on here. I know I have to do the Lions share right now, but dam this is tough.
This morning really set it off, She told me she forgot she had an appointment with a job recruiter today (news to me) and the kids were going to be at her Moms. She asked If I wouldn't mind picking them up after I get off work. I paused for a moment and said Uhmmm, cant you just do it after your done. She said I guess, just didnt know what time it would be.
I wanted to ask her what type of job she was seeking, but didn't. Its very strange to me that she's looking, as she has been a Vet Tech for 15years and absolutely loves it.
Just so everyone knows she has been known as The Favor Queen (this name was given to her before we met)
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
Well normally it isnt, but in this case I feel like it is. She made plans last minute, and just told me this morning and then wants me to pick the up the kids for her. Her appt is at 4 and I would guess she could be at her moms to pick up the kids close to the time I could.
It seems to happening more and more. She is working different hours, making different plans and the kids are sometimes at different places and I may not know until the night before what the plans are. Im just frustrated. If we were not going through this, I would be okay with it.
Im just not not taking any of this well. Im trying to be strong, and do the right thing, but I dont know if I can take it. My mind, body and soul are struggling so very bad
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
Nice work!