Wife says she wants to leave (Part 2)

[Accuray]

I know our spouses are confused and in a fog with these sitch's, but cc's wife seems very interested in him. Even jealous at times.

This notion of a "fog" is controversial, not a given. It is true that feelings of being "in love" clouds people's judgement and decision making, but that doesn't make their decision to leave a marriage any less real. Sometimes a WAS' decision to leave is based on clear-headed and rational decision making.

What is keeping her from ditching her OM and moving forward to save her marriage? It just seems like a no brainer from this perspective! How long does this carry on for?

It's a marathon, not a sprint. When the LBS stops pursuing and takes the focus off the WAS, appearing to accept what has happened, it takes a big burden off the WAS -- they are no longer responsible for the feelings and well-being of the LBS. They are no longer walking on eggshells.

That allows them to relax and makes the LBS approachable again, they can treat them as an equal instead of as an unwanted hanger-on. That is the starting line for kindling a new relationship, but generally there is no "going back" to the same marriage the WAS wanted to leave -- it needs to be a new marriage with new norms.

That's the *good* outcome -- the bad outcome is that the WAS gets comfortable cake eating and that can go on for a very long time unless the LBS puts a stop to it. In ccZ28's scenario, we don't know what's going on with OM. His wife may be very happy enjoying a romantic relationship with OM and flirting with ccZ28 and enjoying a positive co-parenting and co-habitation experience.

For now I think ccZ28 should stay the course, he's doing really really well and his W does seem to be coming around, and it hasn't been that long. At some point, however, he'll need to evaluate if he's enabling a cake-eating spouse and make some hard decisions -- but I think that's still a long way off.

Makes me feel hopeless since my H is nowhere near showing that kind of interest towards me.

Yeah that [censored]! Very sorry you are feeling down.

Acc