NEW LIFE / NEW ME - AIRBORNE II

[Fartiltre]

This will be long, but two things happened yesterday!
(I know there is mindreading in this, but that’s me trying to explain what I felt and think – not what I am acting on!)

I received a text yesterday morning from W about some practical’s about scouting and birthdays. She ended the text with something about her setting the Ds off this morning and that it went fine.

I called W a little later and we talked for 45 min.

I started out by commenting on her text and we talked a little about setting D4 off at kindergarten.

Then I said that we have to plan Christmas.

I began with the church-thing and explained that I do not see it fit to shift the Ds there and that I think it would be better if she came out here first.

Then W said “D6 asked: does daddy come to the birthday”

I told her that I won’t and then shifted back to the church, the Ds and the shift at church.

Then she told me that MIL will be there and I told W that she can just bring her along

W: “Will you not go to the church then?”
Me: “Yes, off course and then S10 and I will go back home afterwards”

This part of the convo was a little odd. Breaks and so! She seemed disappointed about me and S10 not coming to the birthday, but she didn’t state anything. She didn’t ask why we wouldn’t join the party.

Then I shifted to the 25/12 and the movie. I told her that I planned to take the kids and then said “If you feel like it you are welcome to join us”
She seemed a surprised, but gave a pleasant “Yes, that would be super-nice”

I left it there and moved on to the 23/12 and told her that she was most welcome and that we could do some buns or likewise and just hang out with the children.

Then I told her that I am sending out Christmas cards and asked for SILs address. W got a little quiet but gave me the address.
She didn’t comment further on this.

All of this took 6-7 min. I think this part of the convo went OK but listening to it afterwards I come out a little weak: Long breaks, hard to find the words, tone and so

Then a pause….

W: “What about presents…”
Me: “What do you mean….”
W: “Just so we do not give the same…”
Me: “Ahh…”
…..and then I went through the presents I have bought while she commented.

W talked a lot during this part about D6 doing this and that.

She asked about the gift for D6 and I told her that I am getting her a toolbox. She told me that she has been considering the same but if I am giving this she won’t.

Break in convo and then….

W: Have you heard about [mutual friend].
Me: Yes I had lunch there Saturday

(Our mutual friend is one of Ws best friend and she just got fired)

We talked some about this. I told W about my views
This part was hard because it was about ending relationships.

I told W that “The Boss has not wanted the dialogue or to search for common ground, she hasn’t discussed her views……"

I didn’t feel well stating this since W might feel pressured by it.

Then W shifted towards D4 and the general troubles at the kindergarten. I told W my views on this and she agreed to them.

Then I asked “Have you had a nice weekend?”
W talked about all kind of things they have been doing together for some time.

Afterwards she talked about all the friends D6 are playing with and visiting.

Me: “I will have to go now?”
W: “I had a total computer breakdown Friday”
Me: “OK, what does that mean”

Then she explained about that.

W: “And then I have talked with somebody about renting a little office”
Me: “Sounds interesting….”

Then W started talking about her job-situation and changing this. She complained a lot about her second job and told that she wants to focus on her own business.

Me: “Then it is back to own business again?”
W: “Looks that way”
Me: “Then just do it!” (with a smile/positive!)

Then something about her own business, customers and that it is going great.

Me: “Now I will leave – I have to go to the postoffice “
W: “Yes – do that”
Me: “We have a meeting out here all day so I am in a hurry now!”
W: “Ohh, you have a meeting. How are things at work?”

I told her about the uncertainty at work these days, about a friend getting single and that I don’t feel I have the time needed these days. I ended this with “…so I am really looking forward to a vacation.” I also told her that it will be hard not to have the children around but that the schedule is filled with other stuff.

Me: “Ok lets end it here”
W: “Yes, F – it’s ok” (With compassion as I heard it)
Me: “You will get back to me on the Christmas days?”
W: “What do you mean?”
Me: "We have to get the 23 settled and what to do that day”
W: "Yes, off course – only challenge will be D4 and saying goodbye”
Me: “She will get very sad”
W: “Perhaps we can soften it up someway”
Me: “Yes, and we should. I talk a lot with D4 these about all of this.”

Then we talked about D4 being sad but also that she shows. I told W that I wish for D6 to do the same. W tried to explain D6 being sad:

W: “I just think there is so much going on in D6s life with school, new friends and so”
Me: “I totally agree but when I look at D6 I see that she is sad”
Break
W: “I also think she is sad and that’s totally natural”

Then W told about D6 making a drawing of a heart and writing the first letter of my name and Ws name in it and asking W how to spell sweethearts. W had asked her what the letters stood for and D6 gave her our names. Then they had laughed and W had said “but that isn’t entirely truth….” To D6 that answered “No but once you were”. W told me that something comes out this way and we were sweethearts once.

We had a long talk about this. W stated that she is not that worried several times and that she is sure
D6 still states that she is sad, that she misses. W doesn’t see it as problem. I told W that I am in doubt about this, that I have considered finding a professional that D6 can talk with.
We talked about this for around 10 min.



MY THOUGHTS:
It seems like I end the subjects and then W picks up a new one. She likes to talk to me but she seems so totally gone during a convo like this.
She expresses happiness, that things are great, that her concerns about the Ds isn’t that big…and so on.

I come out a little silent, very thinking, I listen and comment.

I find it hard talk to W about the Ds missing and hurting. We do not see this, the same way and that just might be the result of our own situation and feelings. The truth is between our views but discussing it feels like putting pressure on her. I might see the children hurting more than they really are and vice versa.

I can’t figure out what I think about a convo like this with regards to pressure, going dim and so. Some part of me thinks this was a huge mistake and another part thinks that I have to show her a little of the new me sometimes.



WOW! BIG WOW!!
Yesterday I had to partners that also are two of my best friends over.
We had a business meeting all day and then dinner and talk. At some point one of them looked at me and out of the blue said something like “F, if I am ever going to go through what you have – I hope I am able to do it the way you have.” Then these two guy’s used 5-7 min praising me, telling me how good it is to see me work on me, expressing which changes they see. They simply stated that from their POV I am do an outstanding job. One of them said: "You have always been a rock in my life as a friend and businesspartner and you are right back being that again." They see my 180s. They said so many nice things to me! I listened to this with tears in my eyes. (Get them again writing this) Afterwards I thanked them deeply.
This lifted me so much!