Don't know what to think

[T-boned]

Been away for a while. Nothing really new had been happening. Feel stronger about moving on - detaching, but still miss him.

Went to the mediator tonight. Hadn't seen H for a while - no hello hug. Kept my distance. All was very civil in the meeting and he was being very cooperative and sticking to his word about things.

After we left the office I gave him some things from the house I thought he would like to have back and a few things I didn't know what to do with and just wanted out of the house. After the exchange there was a long hug - felt so good to hold him - but I waited for him to release. Then he began to say he was sorry, and started to choke up. I said that I hoped one day he could explain all this to me because even though I was moving on it makes it difficult to make progress when you're not really sure what all happened that we got to here. That even our marriage counselor didn't see it coming. But because I cared and didn't want to stand in his way, I'd go along with all this. That's about all I said other than 'Good night' and walked away.

Forgot to thank him for being so amicable, so I called a little later. Said he was glad I did, and said I deserved his cooperation, at least.

That was that....

Proud of myself that I didn't even cry during all of this.