Look what the cat dragged in! (TL) - Act 2

[tigerlily78]

He clearly left in monster on Saturday... he came home this morning and was very amiable. He came to get ready for work, but ended doing his morning meeting from home instead of going in to the office. Then he came into the room and asked if he could come snuggle in bed with me. We snuggled for about an hour in bed. Then we got up and he asked if I wanted to go and do some Christmas shopping. I said I would like that. He asked what kind of stuff we needed to go look at, so I listed off some ideas for son and added: "I wasn't sure if you planned on getting me anything or if I was going to get the chance to buy you something." He said he did want to get me something, so tell him some ideas. I said I could use a new purse, some boots or new shoes, maybe a new winter hat.

When we got to the first store he pulled up in front and told me he would drop me off while he went across the highway to the video game place. I told him that I would prefer it if we stick together and that I like going to the video game store too. So he relented and parked.

We picked out some clothing things for son. I picked out two winter hats and tried them on. H said he didn't like them. I mentioned they seem like a style he would probably think was cute on someone else, but not me. He said he didn't know what I was talking about... that I asked for his opinion and he gave it honestly, that was all there was to it. He later brought me a hat that was really cute, but the fit seemed funny. I wish it had worked out.

We browsed the shoes, but I didn't find anything I liked that came in my size. Twice he seemed to be extra interested in a pair of shoes... I told him to please not shop with someone else in mind when he is with me. He said that wasn't the case, that the shoes just caught his attention because they were unique. He showed one of them to me to verify... it was sparkley with a kitten face on the toe. I agreed that it was attention grabbing.

Several times through the day he told me he was "checking to see if he had any work messages on his phone." At one point I said that for all I knew he could just be lying to make me feel better. He said that he could be lying, but he wasn't. I told him I really do appreciate it when he refrains from doing phone stuff with "her" around me.

We browsed purses and I had kind of a melt down. There were literally like 150 purses and I felt like I didn't even know where to start. Everything I picked up just seemed "not good enough" and I felt overwhelmed with this feeling that everything I ever liked or picked out in my life must have sucked too. H saw me crying, even though I had walked away to another aisle. He asked what was wrong. I told him I used to feel confident in picking out things that look good and suit me or that I like, but right now I don't even feel like I know what I like or that what I like is good enough. He said he knows that it's his fault I feel that way right now and he is sorry. He went around while I was still trying to compose myself and collected several purses he thought "were my style" and that he thought looked nice. I did like some of them. I asked him why he picked the ones he did. He said he knew I like black purses, or sometimes purple but none of the purple ones they had were that cool. That he picked out ones that he thought "looked good and were simple and classy, not too flashy, not gaudy, nothing with fake animal prints and stuff like that." In my mind I almost felt like he was saying "your style is boring... safe and plain, yawn... (not like OW who is flamboyant and bright and screaming for attention.)" I thanked him for his help and input. I did manage to pick out a purse and his feedback was a big help.

After the purses he mentions that when he was there a week ago they had toaster ovens for a really good sale price. That he thought a toaster oven would be a really good "family gift." We went to the housewares section and found that the sale price was no longer valid. He mentioned we might think about getting a rice cooker, a coffee maker/Keurig, and a bread machine. I told him I liked the toaster oven idea best, unless he was really interested in getting a coffee maker (we have just made instant for years). I mentioned we could check prices at some other places or that I might have a coupon in my email to use, that he could come back for the toaster oven another time maybe. So we put it off for the moment.

Seriously? The interest in all the domestic stuff and the suggestion of the "family gift" threw me for a loop. We do often buy "gifts for the whole family" at Christmas, but I didn't think that was something we would probably do this year under the crazy circumstances. I certainly did not expect him to want to buy something like a toaster oven.

We went to the video game place, found some great deals on used games for son that we think he will like. H at one point said he wanted to go out and wait in the car, but then he didn't.

I could tell at that point he wasn't feeling well. He said he had a headache. I offered him some pills for it and he accepted them. Then he mentioned we should probably eat a lunch. We almost ate lunch then at a fast food place, but at the last minute he decided to take me to Panera Bread, which I like and we used to go to all the time together.

H ordered a salad and something which he realized after one bite contains beef broth. We have/had been mafists in our household for almost a year... it means you don't eat mammals, eggs, dairy, fish, and poultry are okay. I remembered that he had mentioned last week having eaten "a really good bowl of french onion soup"... presumably he brought OW to Panera and ordered this same thing. When he was with her it hadn't dawned on him that he was violating the dietary thing, but with me he remembered. So he didn't eat the soup after that first bite... even though I would not at all have begrudged him for doing so. He is really the one who was interested and advocated for the dietary change for our family anyways. I am not the stickler, I am just in content compliance. (I get the impression from other discussions that OW is not giving up eating mammals just yet. She gave up her "part time smoking" for him already after all. Raises some questions about their lifestyle compatibility).

I offered him some of my entrée and my baguette (I also had a half salad). He passed on the entrée but took the bread. He ate his bread and MY bread, a bit like a savage. I laughed and told him the way he ate the baguettes reminded me of a Viking. He thought that was funny. We had a nice lunch. I told him I had some gift ideas for him, but I didn't know how that was going to work out, that I didn't know if he even wanted me to get him something. He said he would be interested in seeing the ideas, so I handed over my list. I had to explain what a few of the things on the list were, but he was intrigued by them and said he would look them up online and think about it. He said he was relieved that I "hadn't written down something too personal." I said I had come up with some ideas that might be too personal... sexy lingerie and fishnet stockings and such, but I thought something like that might seem too presumptuous under the circumstances.

He said, "How would you have gone to buy something like that anyways?" I said I browsed some things online already, back before his birthday and I had a few things in mind I would have went to the mall store to try on. But of course right now I don't have any money to go spend on him and that I would have needed the car to go do that." He just nodded and seemed to contemplate. He didn't confirm or reject whether "something too personal" was a good idea or a bad idea. :P

Hit the Bookstore quick, then Target. Grabbed a board game on son's list, then we split up so I could grab some stocking stuffers, and he could look at some things in electronics. We met up afterwards and I told him I had passed through small electronics and saw they had several toaster ovens on sale. H was interested and wanted to look so we did. Ended up comparing for quite awhile and he then determined that "we should get the one that is normally more expensive, because it is only $5 more now but I bet it is better." I told him either one looked fine to me. So YES, we bought a toaster oven "for the family."

Son and I had boy scouts tonight. No contention about that, so that was good. It was Court of Honor and son received a few awards, so that was nice. Scoutmaster came over to me to ask me how things are going... I did end up telling him that we were dealing with "MLC issues in our household" via email a few weeks ago since it was keeping son from doing some events and I wanted him to know it wasn't for lack of interest or desire... that I hoped he would understand that son is doing his best to participate and do his leadership job. Scoutmaster has been very understanding and accommodating. Tonight he gave me a "general apology on behalf of men, because we are all so stupid. So very very stupid". I laughed and thanked him. I told him that although I suspect this will be a long, stupid, drawn out process that I am trying to keep my head on straight about it and hope for a positive outcome that keeps our family together. He said he admired the tenacity and if I needed some men to drag H out into the woods and beat some sense into him, he could find willing participants. I said I didn't think that would probably do any good, but appreciated the sentiment.