Stuck in the mud!

[2little2late]

I have had the feeling of not being in love with my wife before. We had come to a crossroad in our relationship and neither one of us were willing to budge. Bills were mounting. Work was demanding and all of our conversations seemed to end up in disrespectful arguments. It was a situation that made me question if we were not married would I be ok with that. And at that time in my life I was ok with that. I had so much anger towards my wife that I felt no love. In time thankfully we slowly grew close again and the feeling of mutual respect and love came back. I finally understood that for me Love was a choice and a commitment. But before the choice deep down we are compatible and have a good time together and share many of the same interests and values.
I think that my biggest problem since that time is my inability to communicate well and clearly with her. She has the same issues and it has been the cause of many road blocks between us. My feelings deep down have always been there.
As far as me, I work many hours each week. 75-90 hours a week. I don't get a lot of down time. I spend weekends home spending time with my daughter. This often includes my wife. I do not pursue, call and make small talk, ask about us or try and convince her that we are worth saving. I am up beat at all times and know that I will be fine if our marriage ends. It is not what I want though. I did not get married to get divorced. We have hit a major road block but I still want to be married to my wife. My happiest times together have been when we were into each other. I like being in love and feeling wanted by my spouse. There is nothing that I need or want to do with my life that I can't do with out being married.