Hi all. I'm new here.

[2ndTimeHurt]

I don't mean to thread jack here, but 2TH, just because it worked last time, doesn't mean the same thing will work this time.

She's better at doing this to you now, she's more experienced at it now. She also saw that no matter how much work you put in, your both right back to where you were before. Meaning, why try again? the result will probably be the same.

Your basing a lot of your strat on what work YOU did before, maybe your not the one that needs to put in the work this time? Maybe she's not willing to address her own issues, certainly not right now anyways. Some people will just keep living the same cycle over and over, but expecting a different result. It may take 1 marriage it may take 5 for some people.

Just my opinion, but I think your too close, trying to hard to help fix her. You cant. She's going to need to fail on her own if she's ever going to see the changes that need to be made are within herself.

Hey thanks for some added insights.

Thing is though. Nobody knows what's going to work or not work. I'm not copying my blueprint from last time. We both know she needs serious work. I definitely see small changes in her this time around. Last time it was go out, hangout with friends, go out, etc. this time she's not entirely like that. She knows she needs help. I can only be an observer in her self healing journey.

Maybe I should point out that hanging out with her and helping her with groceries is a huge 180. She knows I'm the type of person to go nc and never look back. She thinks I'm going to be the douche that is angry or cold or disrespectful or whatever other negative thing she thinks.

There's gotta be a middle ground right? Is that what you're trying to tell me? Do my 180 but at the same time be that douche she thinks I am?

I'm starting to second guess myself. Hmmm. I think I need a couple days to ponder.

I realise that when I re-read what I wrote it may look sarcastic to some. I can assure you I'm being sincere. I really am questioning how much I should let her fall on her face. Trust me, that wouldve been my natural instinct before. You left me, screw you, you deal with sh*t on your own etc etc. I'm not that person anymore but it seems I should be a bit of that person?

180ing is confusing to me like I originally posted.