Shutting the F*ck Up

[AJM]

Hey Portia. Been an interesting few weeks, no?

It's sad they look to external sources to solve their happiness and who knows if they ever will grow up?

Just a quick note on this: I found this to be a little ironic. Anyone else?

As for the dropping of the rope? I'd say you're getting there. I see a lot in your post that tells me you want the inner voices to change the subject, but they have not yet. Can I tell you a few things? They'll stop more and more over time if you make them. There is no switch or pill, sadly.
He may have told you those things when he left were his reason, but I'd say that it's been my experience that anything opposite to you would have done. Mine it was all about having another baby but not with me We have two kids already, and I'm fixed (mutual agreement years ago). But this was just after her nephew killed himself and I think it was just how she felt at that moment (looking back). Others I know? Similar stories - anything opposite will do.

You are cruising right along to full detachment. Kicking and screaming the whole way, like the rest of us

I don't think this will be a bad holiday season for you, Portia. I suspect you'll look back at this one as one of the best - the first best in a long line of them.

Oh. And to the ladies out there that mentioned that they suddenly realized their former spouse wanted to be wanted? Um, duh. Independent is great. What was the purpose of the spouse if you're only independent? A pole in the blankets and an occasional person to squish the spiders?

Men and women want essentially the same things in a relationship at a high level. To be needed, desired, respected and cared about. We interpret things differently (so I'm told - lol) but we have similar basic needs from what I've seen. That does NOT make it your fault or responsibility that he left. Do not misunderstand me. He chose to do that. He could have told you he needed something else. He could have done all kinds of things differently and in the end he chose to do what he did. But as you move forward, it's worth a little consideration that needs can be different than what you may have thought.

Just for fun, each person is unique in what they want and need and change their minds frequently over the years. Both men and women, right?

Cheers,
AJ

[RockJC]

//Nothing I did deserved the reaction that it got.//

Ahmen!!!! One of the things that bugs me about this site is the constant justification of the WAS. There is no legitimate justification.

If they are unhappy and want out of the marriage then fine. Talk it out, file for D and leave. It is the decision to stay, while starting a completely separate, secret life that is so detestable.

Good for you.

[MrBond]

"One of the things that bugs me about this site is the constant justification of the WAS. "

Not true. You're confusing justification with understanding. The site gets you to understand the reasons why the WAS does the things that they do. To them, they feel that what they are doing is justified. The LBS technically can't say that the WAS is unjustified in doing what they're doing because they disagree with it any more than the WAS can say the same about the LBS. It all depends on an individual's perceptions.

That's why some people have a hard time getting rid of resentment.

[RockJC]

I get that you believe in moral relativism. I do not.

According to your logic, Hitler was justified in the holocaust, because from his perspective it was justified.

Would you say to a concentration camp survivor that technically they can't say that the holocaust was "unjustified" because they disagree with Hitler? Would you tell them "It all depends on an individuals perceptions" and Hitlers perception is just as valid as theirs?

Of course not.

But, when it comes to being betrayed by a spouse, you feel comfortable spouting this nonsense.

I understand the difference between understanding and justification. This is justification based on a philosophy of moral relativism.

[MrBond]

Relating it to Hitler is a bit much and you're twisting the message. Genocide is not exactly the same as your W walking out on you. Examples like this show what resentment can do to a person. We're talking about relationships here.

Not exactly sure what "nonsense" you're referring to. You can never cut something so thin that it doesn't have two sides to it. Simple as that.

[RockJC]

I am simply applying your logic to another situation to show the foolishness of it.

[RockJC]

Sorry Portia for sidetracking your thread. I won't comment again.

[MrBond]

"I am simply applying your logic to another situation to show the foolishness of it."

Mass genocide = W leaving. Whose "logic" was foolish?

[bustingout]

Just for fun, each person is unique in what they want and need and change their minds frequently over the years. Both men and women, right?

this is good. i sometimes forget

[CallaghanClown]

You can never cut something so thin that it doesn't have two sides to it. Simple as that.

Most inspiring quote I've heard in a while. Well that and 'worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. Gives you something to do but gets you nowhere'.