Newbie needs help:husband left Saturday

[LoisB]

I wonder if someone could comment on cadet's quote: Your spouse has given you a gift, the gift of time: use it wisely... indeed, I am struggling with this - it seems that since the bomb drop, I have felt I am in a ticking time bomb - first, that he wanted to move out without working on things and it was clear he wanted it pretty quickly and second, the final notification with only 3 days until actual move-out day. Now Christmas is upon us - how do you feel - well, not so under-the-gun - to work through your feelings, your relationship, your life... when the other has cut out and shut down?

First off, take really good care of yourself. You have had a shock and time is needed to gather strength. I recommend you do anything that nurtures your heart and soul right now. Protect your heart from further harm, hence the suggestion to go dark. You are fragile right now and adding any fuel to the fire may attract more harm to you. Knowing what exactly will be considered "fuel" to him is impossible right now. Protect and nurture yourself and your kids.

Cadet mentions the "gift of time" because rarely in life do we have the opportunity to step out of our comfort zone, away from our spouse, and work on ourselves. Your spouse has chosen to go on a journey without you right now. Time will tell what's down the road for the two of you. Right now, there's only one of you at you can control and that's you. Use this time wisely to become someone only a fool would leave. Regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not, you will, then, be ok. Becoming your best self makes your future solid with or without your H.

Much much love to you and your kids,

Heather