It is well with my soul

[Raine]

I'm really proud of you Linda. Now is the time to hold strong. Do not waiver. Do not go back. Steady and strong, as a loving parent who is doing the very best thing they can for their child, even if it means that child is going to hate them for it. He needs this. He needs to see life without you in the picture so he can stop blaming you for all of his problems. I think the "before or after Christmas" was a guilt dig at you: "You really goign to do this right around Christmas? You going to do that to the kids?" This is the same kind of line that my H threw at me in the infamous park lot show down. And my response was "Now. Tonight. Not another day." And the response to "Where am I going to go? I have no where to go," was "You want to be with her. Go live with her."

Now if your H begs to stay, like mine did, I know that big heart of yours may have a difficult time with that. So you need to decide now, are you going to say no, he needs to leave, that it is not a health living environment for you, or are you going to set boundaries? And if you set boundaries, they need to come with dates and consequences. If he breaks them, he will need to have a place to stay and leave the house within three days kind of thing. He will continue to cycle and disrespect you for the rest of your life if you don't do this. Some of the possible things to consider to set:

1 - Break off the situation with RT. No further communication of any kind. No communication with other women he has any any kind of emotional/flirtatious communications/interactions with. No flirtations with anyone else. This behavior is disrespectful to you and to the marriage.

2 - No disrespecting you. Speak nicely and treat you nicely.

3 - He needs to have an appt set to see a IC by x date. The first C session needs to happen by x date.

4 - Full honesty and transparency

This is going to be one of the most difficult things you have ever done. You can do this Linda.