Rise & Shine II

[Pudmuddle]

Hi 3, just catching up on your sitch.

That meetup group sounds awesome. I need something like that too.

Yes, these boards are really, truly a saving grace. And we are getting LOTS of grace!!!

You ARE doing really well. I too, find symbolism in a lot of things. I have a compass necklace I found that says on the back 'there are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going'. We need those small reminders to get us through, to keep believing and hoping.

[3boymom]

Had an awesome day with S4 and S3 today. A day filled with holiday activies including their first time ice skating. It was so much fun to give my full attention to them without the baby. Despite the fact we had an awesome time I caught myself thinking a few times "h and I should try this place,". I don't know when or if those thoughts ever leave. I had extended an invitation to H to join us (since the kids were doing a few "first" things). He declined. Again it was his loss because he had an amazing time.

[melissag]

3, I'm glad you had a great day with your boys.

I was wondering the same thing last night after a great time with my kids - will I ever be able to just be happy and enjoy without feeling the empty hole whee H should be?

I tell myself that if H is missing out it is his loss. And it's true, but it's also my loss and more importantly, my kids' loss. And that just plain $ucks.

I love how you make the best of it, though.

[3boymom]

For the first time in months I slept the entire night without waking up even once. The kids all slept great. I guess our jam packed weekend of fun made everyone exhausted.

H came yesterday and we headed into the city for the day. Things seemed less awkward then they had been for the last week since his drunk phone call. It looks like h has a predictable pattern of withdrawing for at least a week after something happens. Still weird at times but better. Hopefully this can continue through the holidays. My kids are so excited which really helps my PMA.

[ccZ28]

Tonight I headed out to happy hour with a group if women who are all recently separated or divorced. It was great to get out. When I got home, one of the Christmas presents I had ordered arrived. Each year I would get a new family Christmas ornament for our tree. I was agonizing over what to do this year. I finally found the most beautiful ornament and it arrived today. I love it. It is a wooden snowflake with the word "BELIEVE" inscribed on the front. After BD I bought myself a heart necklace with the word believe handstamped inside. Anytime that I was feeling sad, I would wear the necklace to remind myself that I need to believe in myself, to believe in god and to just let go. If I felt the urge to call H or do something stupid, the necklace served as a reminder to stop myself and to really start believing in me. It is the word that I repeat to myself if I feel that pain and grief start to take over. I am so excited that I will have this ornament to hang each year to remind me of how I learned to love and believe in myself again.

Que up.... Don't Stop... Believing, Hold on to that feeling.

[melissag]

Wow, 3, that's awesome that you slept all night long. Do you feel great today? I often feel like if I could only sleep, it would help my mental state so much. Or am I putting too much hope in that?

I think that the come closer, pull back pattern is pretty common and actually even predictable with a WAS. My H seems to do the same. Although honestly sometimes I wonder if I am the one doing it, too, since I know he will.

I'm glad you had a great weekend with your kids, and that things with H feel less awkward.

Keep on keepin' on!

[Pudmuddle]

3 & melissa, there is hope for getting a good night's sleep on a consistent basis. I am 5-6 months in since BD and I now sleep most nights all the way through. Eventually the panic lessens and you begin to realize how much of this is out of your control. Releasing that will help. I know that's hard to do, but it will happen to you soon! Keep up the hope. Sleep is so critical for us in our ever-tensed up states. It's the only thing that can help keep us sane and patient.

There is also a breathing technique I use when I feel panic setting in if I am trying to sleep. It's kind of a yoga/meditation technique. I concentrate on the breath I feel going in and out of my nose. In, out, In, out. Then you are supposed to concentrate on feeling the air moving across your arms or face and just feel the flow. I usually don't get past the nose breathing and I fall asleep like a baby! It might work for you too. Give it a shot. What can it hurt? You might get a decent night's sleep or figure out you are a heavy nose breather, lol.

You are doing so great 3. I amazed at your capacity for love and insight.

[3boymom]

Thanks PUD. I will definitely have to try it. Too bad that it probably wont work for little kids that like to climb in my bed in the middle of the night I have been a full time mommy since July (honestly for hte past two years). The boys are at my house every night, so I get all the middle of the night wake ups. I would not trade it for the world though. I have definitely been more lenient since H moved out with letting them sleep in my room. It helps with my loneliness and gives the boys a little more one on one attention. I know that this time in their lives is so short so I am soaking up every cuddle.

[Pudmuddle]

Yes, kids are great for sleep interruption! But maybe it will help in the short stints of sleep that you do get. I would rather have kid lovins than sleep any day!

[3boymom]

My mom watches my boys while I worked. She just sent me a text that S4 drew a picture of myself and H laying in our bed holding hands having a movie party. We used to have movie parties with the boys as a special treat. S4 put the picture in an envelope and hid it to give to us on Christmas. He is so excited. My heart broke