Thanks for stopping by my sitch. Thanks for the info on Stockdale. I did some research on the Stockdale Paradox. I remember him as a VP candidate in 92, but did not know all of his history. Wish I had, I would have looked at him a little differently. The idea of accepting the gritty, raw reality of our current situation and dealing with it while understanding it will not always be like this has been stated here over and over. It will change one day. Either through separation or reconciliation. That cannot be known or controlled at this point. Only how I deal with today, my kids, and my own actions can be controlled.
Going to do some more homework today. My biggest problem right now is too much watching W and her actions. I have come to grips with the fact that I have no control over her actions. I have also truly come to the realization that I will be OK with or without her. I've just gotta make myself stop watching. Its a process...
Going back to Eric's post to me before the weekend about doing things for myself now. I've got several things I want to do to my truck. Been putting them off since BD. Full detailing, installing fog lights, new speakers, seat covers, paint bumper and wheels. I have all of the materials, just haven't taken the time to do them. That's for me. Also, picked up a couple of books to read for me. Not self help or relationship books. Good books about history and war. Looking for more stuff. Golfing with buddies is always great, but weather hasn't allowed that.
Mach-I got myself a little overwhelmed digging too many weeds at once last week. Gotta take things one step at a time. I am a good person and none of what is happening with her is my fault. I have owned up to and accepted my contributions to our less than stellar R. I can lay out exactly why she is where she is and what her issues are. It's very clear to me what is going with her. She is returning to the moment when her mother left and gave her no direction during her teenage years. She's got a lot of work to do.
As for me, I'm making myself a plan to deal with my issues one at a time. Dealing with my unresolved R with my dad is #1. Gotta say what I should have said and accept the fact that the both of us were lost and did the best we could. Didn't mean he loved me less or I loved him less. We just used the tools and experiences we had at the time. If we'd have known better, we would have done better. Simple as that.
In general, accepting the events of our life for what they are and nothing more is important. What's more important is our reactions and how we grow from each of these learning experiences.
To all-I am eternally grateful to everyone here that has decided to take their own time to help me out. Please, keep asking me the tough questions. My outlook on myself, my M, and my world in general is changing. If I wasn't here, and I was trying to navigate this alone, I would be a terrible mess right now. The list of people that have helped me continues to grow. Thanks to you all.
Keep it coming. I told you in the beginning I might surprise you. I've surprised myself.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
