Still a little uneasy from the weekend. Things that bothered me:
1) W keeps asking me what I want for Christmas. (Que up Mariah Carey's , All I want for Christmas is you.)
2) Went shopping for some Christmas Decor, W saw something she liked... She said " we should get one of those for 'next year'" What the hell does that mean.
3)Took a quick shower with D last night, W came in and peeked into the shower, apparently she doesn't mind seeing me naked.
4) Was on the computer last night, looking for Gifts for D. W came upstairs and wanted to show me something. She kept leaning over me, putting her stuff right in my face. Wanted to just grab ahold of her, but knew i shouldnt.
5)W keeps using the phrase... "we'll take it one day at a time". But her actions clearly state otherwise.
The Triggers are everywhere. I am seeing things that AREN'T really there. I'm trying to see the good, where there is none.
I spoke about talking to other women being an ego boost. It is. But after the novelty wears off, you realize that its just a game. Nothing can come from it, I'm not ready for any type of relationship. Friends or otherwise.
I still feel confident that life will continue after all is said and done, but having a hard time with these instances.
Starting to understand that having patience isn't simply being patient with my wife and waiting for her decision to change. It's about being patient with myself, even when i feel like i'm spiraling out of control. Even when i make mistakes. I'm still learning and need to be patient with the new me.
Could really use any inspiration you got today.
Todays forecast:
Confident that I can carry on, Hopelessness about my situation.
