RealityTrip is back from her voyage into "Me" Land

[RealityTrip]

I don't understand. If you are going to contact your xAP, delete the messages, then lie to me about it... Why did you leave her in the first place? Why did you beg me for 2 months to come home? Why did you say you are "here for the right reasons"... to "work on our marriage"?

Somebody please explain this to me. Why? She was living with xAP. She had everything she thought she wanted and she was miserable. So why more cr*p? Why more deceit? Why more lying? Why more?

I have no tears. I am so much stronger now. Instead of it taking everything I've got to get through the day... it's taking everything I've got to hold my tongue while she's rehabbing after surgery.

Here is my fear:

W was miserable with guilt while with xAP. She came home to alleviate that guilt, have surgery, let me nurse her back from it since she doesn't really trust xAP, stay at home with me while she learns to walk again, then she can convince herself and everyone else that she "tried to save her marriage" and justify leaving for xAP permanately.

Not mind reading. Defining my fear.

I feel stuck. Stuck to take care of her and stuck to deal with her lying and deceit.

This is a monsterous super vent. I just don't understand why she came home. If she wasn't done with xAP, she should have stayed with her. I was doing just fine on my own.