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[Ambivalent]

Mid-Life Crisis


" My husband went through a midlife crisis 3 years ago, at the very young age of 40! Prior to the crisis, I thought everything was perfect, we have 2 kids and I thought we would be together forever. Boy did I have a wake up call!
Buckle your seat belts, it was a very bumpy ride, one I do not wish on anyone.

My husband began to withdraw a bit. He slowly began to come home later and later from work, which led to occasional nights of not coming home at all. I in turn was becoming more and more angry. I would question his actions, and with little remorse, he would do it again in a few days.

I tried to sit and talk with my husband. I was starting to see coldness in his eyes. Like "No one" was inside. The once loving man, was gone. He did not know what he wanted.

The thing about midlife crisis is, there is NOTHING you can do, unfortunately. You can rant and rave and give ultimatums, and chances are he will leave. Nothing you do will change things, he needs to find his way through this, on his own.

After trying some tough love and realizing that wasn't getting me anywhere, I decided the only one I could control was myself, and that is what I did. I kept some distance, but treated him as I wanted to be treated. I was nice and kind and the loving person I have always been.

I have to tell you, I read article after article on the Internet, and nothing worked- I was now "winging it."

It ended up being the tool that brought him "back home." His crisis lasted almost 2 years, and there where many many days, I cried. I had no one to turn to. I had to keep living and getting on with life for the kids, but most of the time, I took it minute by minute. Even though I am not the most churchiest person, I did turn to the church for sanity!

In the end, he told me the reason he came back was because he realized how good of a person I am, and he will never find someone as forgiving and loving as I. He said I am impossible to leave.

I did hear what he said, and it makes sense- It is easy to leave someone being rude or hateful, but it is difficult to leave a kind person.

We are now 100% better than ever. We needed to go through this experience to get to where we are today. The relationship is now, in many ways, perfect. We both realize how lucky we are, and at anytime, someone you love can be gone. We appreciate each other and what we have together. We feel thankful for our family and home.

My advice is to hang in there if you can, and remember, you can not control how THEY act in a midlife crisis, the only thing you can control is your behavior! "