Divorce on the table, Hoping for miracle

[Fartiltre]

Groov,

I can’t even imagine what kind of feelings and thoughts you are experiencing right now and I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

Since I am not a VET the only advice I have for you right now is to do absolutely nothing. You need the VETs on this one!
Absolutely nothing, means do NOT answer calls, texts or anything! Do NOT communicate with your friend or W before you have your control back. Sit on it for now – I know this is a tough one, but I believe it is exactly what you have to do. You do not want to act on your feelings.

Apply at least 48 hours and properly a lot more before you do anything. Get advice first!

Do take care!
All the best!

F

[ccZ28]

Sorry Groove!

I know how you are feeling!!! Get mad, let it out, Cry, let it out, but do it alone!

If you feel you need to confront your W about the situation do as Fartiltre says and give it some time. I made the mistake of confronting my W out of raw emotion. Things were said that I can't take back.

Get in control!

[Groov]

Note: a couple of years ago W and my friend had a month long EA while we were having marriage problems. All was exposed and I thought we all got through it. (If I could only go back)

Am still in control, Have not reacted. I am taking time here. I've know something was up for a while now, I noticed little things here and there.

It's no fun to have it confirmed, but here we are. I am somewhat relieved as W made me believe I was such a terrible person and treated her badly. I know I have my part in this. After all I have my weaknesses. These last 5 months of separation have given me a gift and that is to look into the mirror and take a good look at my soul. For the first time in a long time I know who I want to be.

So don't worry about groov going off halfcocked. I am the master of my domain

I do need as much advice and info from the vets as I can get though.

Do I confront W about my knowledge of her extracurricular activities?

I want to have a healthy respect. Not sure how to do this without making things worse. (Dobson)

At some point I need to end my friendship and business ties with my so called best friend. I am a Realtor in his brokerage.

I am willing to forgive here. As for my friend I believe he has broken my trust for good...

Now, W.... What to do about my relationship with W. I have two beautiful children. W is not thinking straight. I've read that these situations are like dealing with an addict.

So the question is. Do I have an intervention with W? Will this do more harm than good?

Or do I take the let it run its course and exercise patience while acting as if, and be loving but distant?

Vets, I am all yours.

Groov

[AnotherStander]

Do I confront W about my knowledge of her extracurricular activities?

She thinks the M is over anyway, so I'm not sure what that would accomplish. One thing all affair partners have in common is that they are LIARS. If you confront her she will just lie about it, so then what? The only thing that really matters is what it means to YOU. Is it a deal-killer? If not then just keep on DB'ing. If is is then pursue D. It's your choice, no one here will fault you either way.

At some point I need to end my friendship and business ties with my so called best friend. I am a Realtor in his brokerage.

Now that is a little more tricky. I guess I would still counsel you not to say anything to him, you don't want to burn any bridges. Go out and find another job and when you do, turn in your notice and just tell him you had an opportunity come up that you wanted to pursue. Then put some distance between the two of you.

[Groov]

The realtor/ broker relationship is not like a typical job. It just a place to hang your license. Think of it like this: The broker is the true realtor, and he normal realtors are his assistants. Changing brokers is not a big deal. Although it would alert him that I know something is up.

[Groov]

AS,

Thank you for you input here. This is not a deal killer for me at all.

I want to make the best effort I can! for god, for me, for my kids and finally for W.

Groov

[jp787]

GS,

Sorry that this is happening, it is hard.

Nothing should change with the news you found out. There is normally some kind of A, real or imagined.

If you can, don't bring it up and don't keep checking, it is a slippery slope.

Go dark and work on you, that is your best route to get through this will less difficulties.

Make sure you find support, you will need it.

[Groov]

Thanks Jp!

I won't keep checking, It's a pain to get the records anyway. you need to get a form notarized.

Plus I don't need anymore confirmation. I suspected already.

The worst is that my friend is going through a divorce...

I'll keep DB'ing Have a call with a db coach tomorrow and IC on tuesday. We'll see what they say about.

I have an impression that I just need to be the best Groov can be for Groov.


Groov

[NeedingMore]

Groov!

Wow, I am outta here for a few days and come back to this! I am sorry to hear this news, although it is not surprising. And it sure explains a lot, right!? You sound good...so I am not going to suggest anything except that you punch your "best friend" in the face! Just kidding!!! I know this isn't funny, however, what else is there to do but laugh sometimes?

I think there is a time and place for confrontation...but if you are going to continue to DB, then it is not now. In my opinion, it is ok to subtly let your friend know you are onto them. Not sure how...maybe change brokers like you said. If they are communicating then this will certainly be passed on to her through him and combined with the fact that you are calm and collected, could send a message to W that you are moving forward with your life.

I am curious how much you shared with him about DB?? Did you do this in an attempt to help him with his divorce too? Does he confide in you about that?

[NeedingMore]

P.S. What did your DB coach yesterday?