My wife and I separated 6 months ago. It was due to a long time of broken down communication between us. She is the one who decided to leave. We have been married 7 years and together for 11. The breakdown in communication happen because of life changes like focusing on work and pursuing more education. We just lost sight of the marriage. Well i know at least I lost sight of them due to pursuing advancements at work and with my education. There has been no infidelity between us. We have no children. She has moved into her own place up the street. I am living in the home with our two pets. During the past six months, we have had some positives like changing directions with careers and prioritizing goals for ourselves. Other than that there has been no progress. The setbacks by far outweigh the progress.
I do love my wife very much and want this to work out. I know we can do it because we are both amazing people. I have attempted to keep communication between us positive. She has gotten to the point where she is broken down emotionally. I see her friends out and they tell me she loves me and I need to talk to her. I am so confused because now she is telling me she needs space. I am fine with giving her that space and time. Since we are married I don't feel like an extended no contact is appropriate. Extended being months of no contact. Currently we are no contact, and i plan on giving it a few weeks.
I have been working on myself both physically and emotionally. Reading and exercising. Any advice or guidance would be appreciated.
Hi, I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. You didn't mention whether you have had any counseling. I hope you can speak to a DB coach, because your coach will give you very specific direction on how to work on the relationship. This is something you can do on your own. You will learn how and when to approach your wife so that you are more likely to bring her closer and not push her any further away. Give me a call for further information.Take good care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
If she's asking for time, then that's what you give her. It will help you as well, I know it doesn't feel like it thou.
I remember at six months I was still a mess, it takes time, its hard not to let your mind go there. But is it helping? Sounds like you have some outlets going, that's good, keep them up.
Its the only thing you have a say in right now. We all think our spouses are going to just snap out of it, come to their senses. The fact is, they think this is the only answer. They have to let it all play out, even divorce sometimes, before they realize a lot of what they thought, just was them not dealing with things on their end.
Be careful who/what you say to others, try to be a bit more mysterious, talking to her friends, might seem ok, but the story ALWAYS ends up different by the time it makes the rounds. Friends sometimes even when they think they're helping only make a situation worse.
I know its hard, but keep things closer to the vest, you can chime in here all day long, no one knows who you are. We're all on your side, and only want to see you make it thru. But we're always going to be honest, supportive, and give you opinions/options that will help you along. Your in for the fight of your life, if your willing/wanting. But it all starts with ONLY you, your feelings, your honesty, your willingness to look in the mirror, your willingness to take on some change.
I feel your pain. Been separated now just a little more than eight months. I see we have similar timelines for being together and married (also with no children). When this all started, I thought three months, six on the outside, and we would be in a place to give it another try. The truth is I was willing to try (probably not ready) day one. It is a bitter pill to swallow that your W needs to choose you and your relationship before that can happen. If they are dealing (or not dealing) with other issues, then it can be much, much longer.
My W actually filed for divorce. It was BD all over again. However, there has been no movement on the D. I'm hopeful she is now beginning to reconsider divorce. Ending our separation seems painfully far off.
As many people here will tell you, this is a marathon, not a sprint. What they may not tell you is this is a 25k iron man competition. You'll fall down plenty. You'll pick yourself back up. The longer it goes, the harder it seems. We just need to keep trying long enough to reach the finish line.
