Moved Back from Overseas to Figure This Out...

[S4tk]

I believe we are imperfect people who err. I would be willing to forgive W but with the pattern exhibited so far in our M, I would want her to make changes in her life as I am doing in mine.

If she were unwilling to make changes which would lower the odds of this stuff happening again, then I would probably consider that a deal breaker.

Is this fair?

I'm going to respond to my own post lol. As I consider what I wrote, I am left with a somewhat difficult reality. I am saying that this EA (possibly more, who knows) is a deal breaker only if 1) she one day wants to not be done, and only if 2) at that time she is willing to put effort into making some changes in herself which would improve our intimacy and R.

So here I am becoming s4tk 2.0 (beta tested and bugs in the process of being removed) and I need to do it regardless because I don't know if either 1 or 2 will happen, much less both. This part is beginning to excite me because I really want s4tk 2.0. Actually, in some ways it will be a reversion back to something healthier pre-M. In other ways, it will be a weeding out of some parts of me that need to be weeded out.

But here is the sticky part. I almost want to bring the issue to a head now that I see an A that began several months before BD. I almost want to pack her a bag, tell her the gig is up, and let the chips fall where they may. I'm thinking that would be a win for detaching / dropping the rope / and all those similar "codependent no more" kind of ideas.

On the other hand, what I seem to be hearing from the vets here is that in order to even have a chance to see whether 1) and/or 2) might ever happen, I should sit on my knowledge of this A, put on my happy face, "be the OM", and do it all somehow following the 37 rules as best I can.

The water is getting a little swampy. But at least I'm not scared of the swamp like I was a month ago. I will be OK no matter the outcome.