Sorting it All Out

[Ambivalent]

Hi Reaching!

Not that I know of. Never has been. He was always the everything in moderation guy. He could be partying with others, I don't know. I'm charting now, he hasn't been in contact for eleven days. This is the longest he's gone without a touch and go.

I'm trying to let go and just observe, see patterns, learn, grow, and not cycle.

My focus is on school project, interviews, getting through Christmas, take finals, and then register for state exams. I think once that's done, I can be content with what I've accomplished.

I cannot do anything about his replay, how he's choosing to live, and the separation.

I believe things will get worse , because the money is tight. Perhaps he is spending on replay activities, and it is all catching up to him. This may cause more stress and pressure. I noticed he bounced the mortgage check . I have in the past photographed the notice and texted but I'm not this time. I know he banks online.

I'm facing my fears. I'm boldly going where I have not gone before. I am not going to fear his tantrums or jump through hoops. I'm going to make a game plan, and then try to stick to it.

I know where my mistakes were made, what I can do to rectify so I don't repeat them. With anyone! I have some work to go, for what habits or behaviors I have have been with me for quite awhile!

I have my daughters to practice with, and share some insights, so they too can grow and relate in a healthier way. I'm going to try not to think about what will happen in the future. I need to live in the now, and hopefully when I get more stable and situated I will feel better little by little.