Well, the guitar group is great, they just left and it was superfun. We did a few new songs, and had only 3 players so we could slow down and help the one who knew the least.
The job hunt started with a couple feelers yesterday. Since I only got future-let-go on Friday I've been experiencing mostly shock and adjustment. I caught myself forgetting to eat, woke up feeling bad. But I was in shock at BD too so I know what to do. This is actually nothing like BD, there is nothing like the love of your life ripping your understanding of your world away. But similar less-intense feelings.
What I needed to do was swim a mile so I did that today. I also found out I might be over-swimming my miles. I thought it was 42 laps and it might be 36. Cool. The teenagers who work at the gym didn't know what length the pool is exactly.
I have a new friend in my neighborhood, who went to the pool with me. If she turns up here she'll recognize herself. It's nice to have a new friend!
Next step in the paperwork is... well, there's the easy way and there's my overly complicated over analyzing way. I'm getting a handle on what my spending is, so that when my financial advisor plugs in what to expect for child support and spousal, and how to divid the house and retirement accounts, we will both know if I can still afford to live here or not. When I'm satisfied with a financial breakdown, I will a) take it to my H to negotiate together, probably not, or b) take it to my L to incorporate into a legal counter to H's proposal, which he'll take to his lawyer, and so on back and forth. Or c) if a) fails we could go to mediation instead of L. I just don't know the right thing to do. I'm focusing first on the numbers, and then I'll meet with financial advisor and see if next step becomes more clear then.
I have a friend who says forgive me my ignorance but what's so complicated? It's a formula, and you have to live within your new means, right? But I don't think it's just a formula. I think H might want to give up some equity in the house instead of paying me additional monthly support for twice as long as he proposed, which is what I'm entitled to. I've heard that who gets the child tax credit is a negotiating point that is worth more to the higher wage earner. I could give it up for something that I need more, like operating cash. And then there's the growing mess of who owes what to whom - he's been underpaying child support but keeping tabs of my expenses such as my car insurance that he paid, my gym membership, all being tallied up by him. We'll have to figure that out and settle it up too. Blech.
I look forward to being past the point of negotiating the separation agreement.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
