After a while away from the boards I remembered to tell you about FA, families anonymous. Google to see if there's a meeting near you. They also have online meetings. I tried an online Alanon meeting and an in person FA meeting, which I attended many times and bought material from. It's really helpful. Bottom line is getting some help and perspective allows you to love your son apart from what he's doing wrong. You need that and he needs it.

If you get a chance, find some little thing he does right and praise the heck out of it. He's probably getting cr*p from every corner except his mom's, where he gets neglect instead, am I guessing right?

He sounds depressed.

FA doesn't tell you how to fix your child, but it helps you have a better relationship.

Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
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Happiness is a warm puppy.