Hi all. I'm new here.

[2ndTimeHurt]

Oh man, your trying too hard still.

You hung out at her place, took her shopping, playing with your son at her place while she was on the phone, gave her a message, and then she went out with the OM?

There is no mystery, that's not being attractive. There is nothing to miss cause your still there. Let her miss the fact that you give her messages. Your chasing your own tail.

Your just happy she's not angry with you anymore, you've totally lost your power, you just keep giving more of it away.

She wants some time and space..........is what your doing working for you? You think your doing 180's but what your really doing is losing your self respect.

If she's got OM, then you need to go a bit more dim. Work on you, not work on "us". At this rate the OM is playing off your lead, your actually pushing your wife right into his arms. She knows your going to be there, cause you are. Your actually rewarding her behavior, she's lost nothing at this point. She cant miss what she still gets from you.

Those interactions are not part of the 37 rules, what are you doing for yourself? Your trying to hard to get yourself back into the game. Unless you want an open marriage, stop rewarding her, and making yourself look like a doormat.

Your reacting to her, take control of the only thing you can, yourself and your son.

Thanks for the reply.

Just to clarify the om is not an om. They really are just friends. My ex has a strange way about her that goes beyond what a "normal" person views as male/female friendships.

I know every sitch is different. I know what worked for me the first time. Being there for her is more about being there for my son. She doesn't drive so I will take her shopping. I've been down this road before where I've asked myself a thousand times, am I being a man or a doormat. It's such a fine line and I admit it is difficult.

I know the rules are here for a reason but I have to believe that they are not set in stone. I believe I have to tweak things based on my sitch.

This break up isn't like last time where she was mad at me and just wanted to get away from me. During that period I definitely went dark especially after we both started dating other people. This time around it feels like I have to change things up a bit. She told me that being patient and persistent is what helped her to come back.

My ex has a history of people coming into her life and being really great then ditching her. Her douch face friend is starting to fit that bill. I know I am that rock in her life that won't go anywhere and will always try to treat her right. If I f up I will own my mistake.

I know I should take this time to work on myself but like Ive said I have been fixing myself for 2 years now. I know I'm not as emotionally hurt as some people who are going through this. It's been 2 months since she broke it off. How I feel now at 2 months is how I felt at around the 8-10 month mark last separation.

I know ill come out fine. I know I can be happy with another person. I'm just trying to do things a bit differently but at the same time do some of the things that worked the first time.


People say be the person only a fool will leave right? But what exactly does that include? I have some ideas but I'm not entirely sure.


So what would you suggest since she doesn't have an om? Some people are at the point where they try and see if physical contact is a positive or negative. I honestly believed physical contact was a no go since I didn't touch her for the entire 14 months the last time we separated. I thought I'd give it a go since I heard here that people try to initiate something physical, just to test the waters. She seems receptive to it.

I've done lots of 180's regarding myself that she fully aware of. I mean that's why she came back to me. Right now I'm trying out some 180's that were more relationship based. Like asking her to go out or accepting invites with her and her friends. I'm sure there are a million 180's I could be doing but these stick out to me.


Ill admit that I was happy she wasn't mad. During the first separation I heard so many times from her that she was done with this, she's tired of fighting, you're pushing me away with all these fights etc. so ya I was happy that she bounced back so fast. A positive I'm taking from this is that maybe she's learning to let go of anger a little bit.

I may get smacked in the head for this next bit...
I was out with a buddy last night and she called me at 2:30 saying her key doesn't work to get in. So I told my buddy I have to go and help her. It was -40 with the windchill out. Pretty f'ing cold. So I get there and her landlord got her in. She wanted some food so I took her out. She told me about her bad night and that I think her friendship with douch face is better than it really is. I just listened to her. Anyway, ill take last nights episode as a positive. Was I a doormat cuz I helped the mother of my child out when it was freezing outside or was I being a man? I still don't really know the answer to that but I'm choosing to believe it was the right thing to do.