All things dull and ugly...

[LoisB]

D11's best friend's dad owns a pond maintenance business. He is the one I ordered it from and so forth. It's set up to run all year. I didn't even really need to cover it, but it may help it last longer.

As far as the roof is concerned, everything is frozen right now. Dammm it's cold. I may have to cover the roof with a tarp until spring. Few roofers are willing to do anything this time of year.

The Christmas lights are finally finished. I put up a few more today and finished my strand across the gutter.

I have all my gifts for the girls wrapped except for a few that haven't arrived yet.

It's been a nice day.

I need to work on NOT allowing the stress of everything to spin me outta control. I know that's not a newsflash to anyone here. I needed to say this out loud for myself.

These are the anxieties driving my spin:

I'm scared right now because H still owes me that other $800, I'm fairly convinced he has gotten his crazy family jazzed up about me and D19 and I'm waiting for him to ask to take D11 to a family Christmas party--I'm sure there's some surprise waiting- him being him and all. Then, there's the Jeep. It's scary having D19 home because she is a money pit--food for one thing. Plus, the friends that follow her. And, the changes in the house with D19 home create anxiety for D11. D11 has relinquish control of their shared room and she is a neatnik. D19 is messy. So, it's just a lot. But, really it's just life.

On the positive side. I'm recognizing how I allow myself to spin and it impacts the girls' feelings. I want to be able to detach, not only from H, but from all this worrying. I don't want to avoid anymore. I want to deal with things and move through the problems without burdening myself with the worry--which then ends up becoming frustration and resentment which weighs on me, the girls(because of my mood) and, usually, ends up in H's lap.

I'm going to repeat the Serenity Prayer a few times today.

I'm not sure how to break this habit of worrying.