Not sure whats happening?

[adinva]

I have some of the same problems but I'm so far from thinking I have nothing that I can barely relate. I'm so sorry you would think of your life that way and wonder what you are doing to create "something." It doesn't come from the outside.

Anyway,

My son has been getting involved with pot and kids who smoke it and deal it, over the past few years too, and his grades also took a hit, not quite as big a hit as your son's. What is your son's take on his uncle in prison? Does he not see the path he's on? Is he trying to stick it to you or his mom? I had some limited success by bringing my son in to a drug counselor twice and letting him know I wouldn't hesitate to enroll him in an outpatient group as a next step if I felt the problem was increasing. It got better, but isn't completely gone, mainly because he and his friends think of pot the way 20-somethings think of alcohol. It's a harmless form of social bonding and entertainment, to them, and should be legal, they think. I hoped, since he doesn't listen to me at all, the drug counselor would provide him with clues to look for to recognize loss of control, expanding difficulties with motivation and school, and what potentially he is giving up or risking. I still try to talk too, but my words are suspect.

My H completely washed his hands of the issue after identifying the military school he'd like to send s to. S doesn't go to his dad's at all, so I don't have the challenge you do of having a fun alternative parent.

I hope one day your son sees a goal in life. Maybe he likes a girl, would like to marry, how will he support his wife if he works at McD's and does drugs? How will he find a job he thinks is meaningful without a college degree? It's not all about rejecting his parents' values. I don't know the answers, only the questions.

I did tell my S one time, after chasing him down from a party in the middle of the night when he snuck out, that he needed to seriously consider where he was going to live if he thought my house rules were unreasonable or not in his best interest. With your son's mom provide the easy answer to that, maybe your son just needs to figure out where his bread is really buttered. Does he want the easy life in high school, or the easy life as an adult, because they're mutually exclusive.