Learning from yesterday, Living for today!

[chasingpavements]

We are total polar opposites, H and I. What we need in order to be happy is on opposite sides of the spectrum. I think we are expecting that the other person should feel exactly the same way as we do in any given circumstance. And we also assume that whatever it takes for us to be happy will be what the other person needs in order to be happy. We are both acting in our own ways and not hitting the mark.

I am more driven by emotions. I tend to rely on others for a sense of safety and sense of belonging. I feel I would be happy with someone that would nurture me, day in and day out. Someone that would hold my hand and take care of me and just be there for me and spend time with me.

He is driven by a lot of things, money, success, freedom. He is a hard worker, and his LL is acts of service. He loves taking care of the kids. He enjoys his job and being a supervisor. He is independent.

I think what we long for in life are different things. If we could understand each other's point of view once in a while it might help, rather than writing off each other's feelings.

What I long for is someone to spend time with, who will make me feel special and include me. That I can laugh with and share my everyday life with. In a way what I would like is someone that will pamper me sometimes. Spoiled, I know!

What he longs for is freedom. He is also a quiet guy so he needs a lot of alone time/quiet time.

So it feels as though what I need from him is the opposite of what he wants to give me. I want him to be affectionate, and compassionate and I would like him to care about and consider my well-being. He tends to not take notice of what my core needs are, although I have tried telling him. He is more looking for freedom and independance and the more I need/rely on him, the more he resents me. How do we get past that???

Sounds like the pursuer-distancer... I run after him and he runs!! I want him to be affectionate and he wants space and freedom. I want to be taken care of and he wants me to be independant.