Hi all! I hope everyone is doing fine tonight. Just a bit of an update since it's been a while...
I've been doing my best to enjoy my life, and it seems to be working. I'm fairly content with my limbo sitch. Oh, I still have moments of despair, but they are short. I really believe that we will make it through this MLC.
If I can hold my pants on that long.
It seems to me W has been less depressed, and maybe even warming up to me a bit. Warmer greetings, more eye contact, and more conversation. She's also been singing around the house more too, and listening to Christmas music.
Next Thursday will be the 2nd anniversary of her Mom's death. (which started this whole crises) Like last year, I will be leaving her a card letting her know I'm there and thinking of her. Last year she pretty much ignored it, (which was ok by me) so it will be interesting to see the response this year. Kind of a temp check of sorts I suppose.
Tonight W was meeting up with LS. (my Little Sister) Afterwards she went x-mas shopping. Came home and we talked, and she showed me what she bought.
So we're getting along great, but I continue to wonder if I'm stuck in the friend zone.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
This morning I heard W crying in her bedroom when she woke up. I did not go in there, because I didn't want to interfere, or attempt to "fix". I made a nice breakfast and when she came out she looked really bad. While eating together she said she had a bad dream last night, and it symbolized where she is at right now. I asked if she wanted to talk about it and she said I was the reason for the bad dream, but didn't offer details, and I didn't want to probe. My guess is she's still struggling with the pre-BD incident I initiated.
She said things weren't supposed to turn out this way, and she just wanted a way out. Also that she envied our dog who is nearing her final days.
I didn't say much, mostly just listened. Actually, she didn't say much either, pretty much just what I posted.
Later we talked a bit about the days plans in normal fashion. Next Saturday we bring a meal to my first sister's home, as she recovers from breast cancer surgery.
I think I'll let W go see her Dad by herself today, I have stuff to do here.
I'm just trying to stay out of her way, while still being there for her.
There is no doubt in my mind that what my W is going through is way more difficult than anything I'm experiencing. I hope she figures it all out soon.
Comments or advice is appreciated.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY, I'm so sorry that your w is in so much pain. She's got to work thru it and it appears she is. I think it's a wise idea to stay back and let her go visit her father today. She needs that time w/him today.
Give her plenty of space and be there as a friend. She's got some issues that will need to be heard very soon. She's going to need a good listener and you will need to truly listen and be there to validate, but don't try to fix.
The holidays are bad for both the mlcer and the lbs. However, I do think in some cases the mlcer may have it a bit worse than we do.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
FY It must be very difficult for you to watch her spiral further down. She needs to be able to have a safe place to vent and cry and it's good that she's sharing bits with you. Listen and validate and allow her to call the shots.
You're doing great:)
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Lots of introspection going on around here. Hyper focus on our sitches and spouses too. Sometimes it's good to take a break from it all, and just kick back and have a good time. Especially with the holidays right around the corner. Who's with me on this?
Tell me what your plans are for the holidays this year.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I bought Santa hats for the four of us today. I want to take a pic of us wearing them and post it on FB Christmas Day.
We are staying at home for Christmas. And this Sat. night H, S14 and I are going to a big Christmas sort of rock concert.
Last year H didn't get me anything. Except, well, not signing D papers. That was pretty special
Today he tells me, there is something coming in the mail for me that won't make it for Christmas, and he has two other gifts for me but can't think of anything else! Wow! I feel like a really special lady!
So...my plans are to spend it with my family...husband and two boys...feeling blessed and joyful. Oh, and make lots of yummy homemade food too!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway