SM34's Post

[SM34]

Thank you adinva and rock for your ongoing support. Everything you both say makes perect sense.

Adinva, I have let go of the cultural differences that may habe contributed to our M failing. The bottom line is, she was not happy, and to a great extent I now realize neither was I. Now Im just trying to get a chance at a better life and better marriage.

Rock I understand completely what you are saying. If this was an open marriage, which is a marriahe in which we have sex but also with others, then there would be a much greater self worth issue. Since we don't have sex and I dint rely on her for emotional support anymore, its not an open marriage. Its an in house separation where we are still friends. That could still be wrong and a problem and damaging etc but its not the same as an open marriage.
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You will say that you are still married and so its open etc. I tried that argument here and I was reminded its just a piece of paper that obviously is not so important to annul for my wife. She doesn't consider this a marriage and neither do I. For all purposes we might as well be divorced.

I need to focus on fixing my finances. No I wouldn't starve or be out on the streets without W income, but with her income she may start to see that life can be better. She may start to at least understand why I was suggesting she get a job a long timre ago when we first started having difficulty. She may at least see that the burden was unfairly put on me while we still had one person in our fanily who was able to work but chose not to. She may at least begin to see that this is partlt her doing too, and the solution was partly in her hands too, not all on me.

And I wish this had come way sooner. I wish she was able to find a job from day one of BD. So then six months in we would have paid of our debt and all of these realizations i just mentioned would have happened. And then by month seven or eight if there was no movement despite the biggest part of our sitch being resolved, then I would move to separate knowing it did not change her mind.

But now its finally coming to that point. And I want to stick around for those epiphanies to occur before I decide they haven't made a difference.