Lou, it sounds like you did a great job talking with H. He has gone home now with a lot to think about - and a lot to challenge his formerly held (negative) beliefs about you.
This part really hit me:
Quote:
He seems to remember all the things I have said over the years and had trouble hearing that I now thought other things were more valuable.
I have always had a hard time dealing with this with my H. He will take something I said literally 12 years ago and insist that I still feel that way, even if I tell him (and show him) very clearly that I don't. He would argue with me about how I felt, using some very old conversation as proof that he was correct. So I am pretty sure he is doing that now, too. It is very difficult for some people to see or believe (or want to believe , maybe) that things are different than they thought. Perhaps it is easier for your H to believe the negative things he thinks about you, because then he can continue to blame you and be with OW without guilt.
I think you did the best you could have, though!
WASs are so weird. Why would he want to get D and then try living together?
Does your H try to avoid conflict? Is it possible that he is throwing things out there to just smooth things over?
I hope you are proud of yourself, Lou. You were kind and validating and respectful to your H, yet still true to yourself. I am proud of you!!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
