New development. For a while I had suspected a possible OM but my huntches were a bit vague and I thought that all of the emotional drama and uncertainty was making me paranoid.
Back in May we received 3 bottles of wine from an old friend of W who lives in a sophisticated European country. I believe he was neighbors with W in high school. W and this guy are also the same nationality (my W is from a small Eastern European country). I didn't think much of it because in her culture people are gifting each other all the time.
Then at the end of May my iPad updated and I accidentally set it up wrong and got some of her iMessages. One single message was received from someone with a cell prefix from the same sophisticated European country. It was in W's home language and very flirty. Something like, "(W name) you've become so charming. You are irrestible, O God."
I was away on a business trip and still clueless (this was pre-BD). I texted W and told her what happened. She said she wasn't sure who it was but maybe it was the "wine" friend and maybe he had gotten drunk and texted something in appropriate. She said she would take care of it. I removed the text and fixed my iPad not to get her messages.
Since bomb drop, she took a trip with a friend to England, and then one to this same sophisticated country. I still wasnt suspecting an OM, and after W brought up the idea, the MC we were seeing for a few sessions suggested W take this trip for some alone time. So she took a four day trip there.
Both trips she really downplayed upon returning. Weather was bad, her anxiety was too bad to enjoy the museums, etc.
Last month she took one more similar trip to a country bordering the country where wine guy lives.
Upon returning from the trip, she took out 6-7 huge cookbooks from the library - cookbooks for learning to cook food in the style of this country. She is also learning 2-3 languages right now, but that country's is one of them.
Finally, the temptation was too strong and I snooped. I logged into her iPhone and W is communicating with the same number where the iMessage come from in May. It is all in her home language (of which I am fluent) and although I didn't see anything overtly sexual or any pics or anything, there is very flirty and tender language being used. And very familiar language, as if this OM knows her very well.
I have been silent for the 48 hours since discovering this. I have not decided whether this is a deal breaker in terms of me continuing to want the M.
A similar thing, which I hesitate to call an EA, happened with W about 7 years ago. And 9 years ago she met up with an old BF without my pre-knowledge, and feelings were expressed. He did not reciprocate.
