I know we're supposed to be supportive, validate, and leave the door open.
Are you ok with the situation? Do you have boundries to protect yourself? Are they working for you?
What do you really think your teaching your daughter at this point? She's at an age where she see's your interactions, is a loveless marriage what you want to teach her? Don't think for a second she see's nothing, she see's two room mates. No love, I promise you her idea of marriage later in life will come off different of what you think marriage is supposed to be. I hope you want your daughter to be in a loving, caring marriage herself. Think about that for a minute please.
Do you feel like your being a doormat, and she might be using you to pay her bills whiles she's out parting, your supporting her lifestyle? It sounds like your really not ok with the situation. Do you have respect for yourself?? It sounds like maybe you've given your power away a bit.
Is what your doing passive? in hopes that you think she's just going to check back in?
Basically what you've said in the short paragraph above is, what you were doing was working for a time, but now its not, that she's taken advantage of you now, and you feel guilty about taking care of yourself due to your daughter? What are you doing for you?
Sometimes, ok always actually, you need to let your spouse fall all by themselves, your not helping you or her by trying to candy coat the obvious. Is it tough to watch them fail, sure. But you need to let her be accountable for her own actions, not be supportive of her choices when its wrecking your own self esteem.
I don't mean to be harsh here, but the reality of it is, she can be jobless, still party because you let her. Do you give in to your own fears of being alone, starting over because being treated like this is better? Is your self respect, confidence that broken?
How many of the 37 rules are you following? are you getting out and GAL'n? Do you ever say, hey I worked all week, you need to stay home and watch our daughter cause IM going out, if you don't want to watch our daughter, find a sitter.
You say you think she's more angry cause she's dependent on you? yet at this point your totally supporting her lifestyle. Are you sure this isn't you trying to control what little is left? That's really a question.
I think she knows how to make you feel bad/guilty, she knows you better than you think, you allow it out of fear, understandable, not sure what boundries your enforcing for yourself. But it looks like you don't have any right now. Maybe you need to make that a priority.
