SM, I hear what you are saying and I understand your frustration. I think most of us would agree that you should listen to your DB coach. Your DB coach has one job, and that is to help you save your M. The people here, though, don't like to see you being taken advantage of in this way. It just seems humiliating and like your W has zero respect for you. Sure, maybe she speaks to you respectfully, but she also drops you like a hot potato when things are going well with OM and she decides she would prefer to be with him than you.
There is no OP in my sitch, but our sitches are somewhat similar in that our WASs treat us kindly and initiate contact with us. A DB coach views this as a good thing - this means that they are not completely gone. We want to make every interaction positive. We want our S to stay connected with us. I totally get that. The question becomes when this dynamic crosses the line between keeping that connection and being used and disrespected. My H and I were ML at least once a week up until last week (the last time was Thanksgiving). But now with his recent behavior (match.com profile, taking down his profile photo on FB which was the two of us), I am beginning to wonder where I should draw the line. I don't know exactly what he is doing, but I feel that it's enough that I should not sleep with him anymore. It's just a matter of basic self respect. You do know exactly what your W is doing, and you are just letting her do it. That's not respecting yourself. I think that's what people here are trying to say.
It's always difficult to see your own sitch with objectivity. That's why I will go around giving others advice with confidence, but I ask others for advice and listen to the vets when it comes to my own sitch.
Should you follow the advice you get on this board? It's up to you. Obviously you need to pick what sounds right to you and your sitch. But at least pay attention to the basic points that people are making, and think about them with an open mind.
Which items about you and your self improvement were you looking for opinions on?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
