What you're saying may be partially true in my situation. I have not felt anger toward my w since early on. So I am able to detach from getting upset with her directly, but I get frustrated with my situation all the time. I am definitely not an expert at detaching.

I have not found a way to entirely detach and still hold out hope.

Me-45
W-44
T-7 years
M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated)
Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)