Oh and by the by, you can validate without offering to fix. Meaning, listen to what she is saying about all of her issues, empathize, but offering to come over...THAT can and may be perceived as pursuing/fixing. One causes the dance, the other says you don't get it, I needed to have you listen. That is what was meant by the " are you doing your homework "
Allow her to vent, and if she wants or needs something she'll ask. I know this is tough, but you cannot make her feel better. She also needs to see that running away is not going to make her problems disappear, nor her life any happier.
She needs to see this, experience, and live this. By enabling her, it will just take longer...so what you see as supportive or helpful can actually be causing more dependence and make this take longer... Do you want her to be dependent on you or to be strong and want you? There is a difference, one is not healthy and will blow up again down the line.
Notice the pattern? You pulled back, she is now cycling down and pulling you in...you have time before Christmas, don't be available every time she [censored] you in. You could get burned at Christmas...try and pick every other offer up.
This way it can/may break the obvious come hither behavior. Pick up daughter when not ill. If she's ill drop by quick, bring a flower or chicken noodle soup and saltines, then GO!
Don't hang around, if she's sick let her rest. If not she goes with you .
