my wife left, but still lives with me

[mustardseed]

Your situation sounds a lot like mine at the moment. Detachment is both complicated and simple at the same time. Once you get what it really means things start to feel much better. But I will get more into that later. For now read, reread, and read again PMs post.

I am sure someone with more experience will chime in with more insight but as far as your question about physical contact is 1) don't initiate. 2) don't read into any contact she initiates or anything she says. 3)If you like the contact just appreciate it for what it is and don't make anything more of it.

I made the mistake of telling my H that I thought things were getting better because we ML a week before BD. That led him to avoiding any sort of physical contact with me for two months which caused an incredible amount of tension in our home. I also didn't quite understand what it meant to detach and took it to mean avoiding and tiptoeing around which led to even more tension. Finally I had to initiate a conversation because I couldn't take the coldness anymore. I told him that I promise that if he is nice to me I won't misread it and assume that means he changed his mind about S. And ever since then things have been peaceful--nice even. As long as I am not trying to mind read and I don't hold any expectations things feel pretty good.

You have to learn to accept that there are just somethings you can't possibly know right now. You can't know what she is thinking. You can't know what she is planning. You can't know where you will be in a few months. So release yourself of that burden. Give it to God, the universe,the Flying Spaghetti Monster, whatever higher power you believe in. "Throw it to the wind" as Boz Scaggs says.

Then start focusing on you. Realize that right now she is an acquaintance to you. How would you treat a new acquaintance? You would be polite. You would probably try to show your cheerful side. You would keep conversations light. You would not burden yourself with trying to figure out what the other person is thinking. Then distract yourself with doing things you enjoy. Things that will give you something to smile about and be cheerful about when you are around her.

Your GAL is about doing things that make you happy, and are just for you. I like to think of it as dating myself--and I am realizing I am pretty good company.