Ambivalent, If the young ladies work isn't great, don't lie to her. Be kind, but tell her where she's weak in the research project. This is where I get major heartburn when I see people sugar coating things not to hurt other's feelings. This young lady needs help and it sounds like she's not done much researching on the net. Be kind, be gentle, but tell her where her work is lacking. She'll appreciate your being candid about it.
As for the brother, go ahead and invite him. He's done nothing wrong and shouldn't be left out just because his brother went nutty.
Ten days w/o contact is a not that many days. Many haven't heard from their spouses in several months. Your h has been busy, the holidays are coming and yes, end of year projects need to be completed. He'll contact you very soon...after all he will need to know about the Christmas plans.
Enjoy this evening.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.
2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power
They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.
3. They Don’t Shy Away from Positive Change
Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.
4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control
You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.
5. Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone
Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.
6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks
They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.
7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it. However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.
8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over
Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.
[color:#333399]9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success[/color]
Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people's success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.
10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure
Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.
11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time
Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.
12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything
Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.
13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results
Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.
My new focus
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Ambiv, thanks for posting the quotes. This is exactly what I need right now.
As for the school project, I know how frustrating it is when you are assigned a group project and some members in the group don’t do their share. I had lots of these projects when I was getting my masters. I think if you treat this project as it would be just your own and not rely on that other lady, you will do fine.
I agree with job, ten days without contact is not that many. Well, I judge by a different standards from my sitch, sigh…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
The things you have posted over the past few days have been exactly how I have been feeling. Only you express it much better than I. I have all the same fears and worries and I hate it. So I appreciate that you can so ably express yourself and put it out for all to see, because I needed to read it and the advice you got from others. Thank you for that.
We need to believe we are strong. I don't feel so strong anymore either, but I am trying. Patience is our enemy and our keeper. How do we find that patience when we think we are being treated badly...I don't know. We just keep going I guess.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
My costume was well received and many people had wonderful things to say about it. Women and Men loved it, wanted information about it. Got many compliments of how good I look.
Perhaps I'm in the wrong era? Got asked to dance a lot, and many didn't even recognize me from dance class! Now THAT is funny! I actually felt pretty and wait for it....confident!
Today I'm going to make more waffles, go to the gym and try and study some. Tonight I'm going to try and decorate.
Today marks the longest both of us has gone with no contact. This is something new for us. Last time this occurred I was in complete panic. This time depression yes, panic no. It is the weekend so I won't here from him at all.
Hopefully I'll hear from the interview and sometime soon. My other interview is this coming week.
Written exam Tuesday, and I should take practical next week too!
Stress? Uh , tons...
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Ambivalent, I'm going to toss something out to you and you can mull it over. Have you given any thought to possibly setting up a little side business w/decorating and creating costumes for dance classes? It sounds like you have a creative streak there that might need to be channeled and since people admire your costumes and you enjoy doing them...just something to think about.
Some more messy weather heading our way today. Waffle making sounds like a great idea.
If you are not up to decorating a lot, keep it simple and tasteful. You've had a lot going on in your life and you do not need to "keep the normal traditions" in place. Do something different, if you so wish.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed on your interviews and that the right one comes along.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm going to toss something out to you and you can mull it over. Have you given any thought to possibly setting up a little side business w/decorating and creating costumes for dance classes? It sounds like you have a creative streak there that might need to be channeled and since people admire your costumes and you enjoy doing them...just something to think about.
Oh how many times I've heard...You should sell that, those. You do have me pegged, I am an artist! Textile, dog sweaters, teddy bears (even won awards at the MD Sheep and Wool Fest. ) I do dried floral arrangements and topiaries in/on antiques and jams and jellies w/liquors and from what I harvest on the property @ Waterford!
So no, I won't be doing any costumes. Did have great fun dong the kids when they were younger...Driad, Hydrangea Flower Fairy, Star from Chronicles of Narnia, Renaissance girls...etc
My marriage afforded me the opportunity to explore my creativity. If you go on FB, I'll post links to images of my work!
Problem with the creative side, hates the paperwork side! If I could just create, and someone managed now THAT would be ideal! You name it I can make it...ha!
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If you are not up to decorating a lot, keep it simple and tasteful. You've had a lot going on in your life and you do not need to "keep the normal traditions" in place. Do something different, if you so wish.
My daughter really likes it, and it does make for a very comfy Christmas...It is one of the traditions that I don't believe I should destroy. The smells of the candles, the folk art and antiques, greens, and dried arrangements...it is quite the Early American Life magazine picture.
I do believe I'm motivating myself, HA!
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I'm keeping my fingers crossed on your interviews and that the right one comes along.
At this point it just seems odd. For once I get licensed, I will be looking for a job in my field. I kind of hate leading an employer on..., but who knows how long it will take me to get that job I suppose? Anyhoo, must get back to waffling, Ha!
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
It isn't that kind of dance. This is just a dance we attend on Friday nights with live bands. Occasionally there is a theme , and this one just spoke to me!
I did feel spe-cial though...HA!
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Oh and by the by, you can validate without offering to fix. Meaning, listen to what she is saying about all of her issues, empathize, but offering to come over...THAT can and may be perceived as pursuing/fixing. One causes the dance, the other says you don't get it, I needed to have you listen. That is what was meant by the " are you doing your homework "
Allow her to vent, and if she wants or needs something she'll ask. I know this is tough, but you cannot make her feel better. She also needs to see that running away is not going to make her problems disappear, nor her life any happier.
She needs to see this, experience, and live this. By enabling her, it will just take longer...so what you see as supportive or helpful can actually be causing more dependence and make this take longer... Do you want her to be dependent on you or to be strong and want you? There is a difference, one is not healthy and will blow up again down the line.
Notice the pattern? You pulled back, she is now cycling down and pulling you in...you have time before Christmas, don't be available every time she [censored] you in. You could get burned at Christmas...try and pick every other offer up.
This way it can/may break the obvious come hither behavior. Pick up daughter when not ill. If she's ill drop by quick, bring a flower or chicken noodle soup and saltines, then GO!
Don't hang around, if she's sick let her rest. If not she goes with you .
