All things dull and ugly...

[LoisB]

Oh, and I had a nice dream last night. It was the strangest thing. I dreamt about H coming back to me as a man full of humility and pain.

In the dream, I was able to see how the OW came into his life. He explained it to me and I had these little movie-like vignettes of moments where she pursued him and how he was vulnerable and so forth. Anyway, it wasn't hard to watch at all!!

I didn't wake up with that horrible, icky feeling about the OW--well maybe a little. But, I woke up feeling like I understood and how his relationship with her had NOTHING to do with the relationship we had/have.

I could see how there was NO way she could replace me or our relationship together with two kids and decades of memories--good and bad. I woke up feeling a bit like "I was the love of his life" and nothing will change that.

And, I was able to hold him and comfort him in my dream--something he never would let me do in real life.

I also sensed that it was the love the girls and I have for him which scared him and drove him away. He couldn't handle real love like that. He needed criticism and judgment and self-righteous indignation on a daily basis about the unfairness of the world.

He was holding me, or vice versa, for most of the dream. At this one point, he was holding me and telling me how much he loved me. I noticed my mom overheard it and smiled because she was relieved he wasn't hurting me anymore.

It was a nice dream. Is it possible someone you have a deep connection with could say things to you in a dream that maybe they can't say in real life? I think I believe that. I know that when my dad left I would have these conversations out loud with him, up in my room, where I would tell him stuff he wouldn't allow me to tell him in reality. I felt heard at times. I know I've also talked to my Grandmother like this.

IDK. It was a nice dream.