wife hardens heart-6

[juliegayle]

Ha- that is so me. Love to wallow in a good sad song. I personally think it is a healthy outlet. (What song?)

From your signature I see things have happened very fast for you. You definitely haven't had enough time to "Be ready" The grieving process takes time. Take care of yourself.

[planet]

Hmm..I don't think I'm ever emotional over love songs.
BTW, it's called 'Sandiwara Cinta' by Republik (Indonesian band)

It's just some of the songs I hear just gets to me lately.

Things do happened pretty quick in my situation. All lot of things gets thrown at me almost weekly. I'm struggling to keep pace with XW.

Anyway, my primary focus now is my D4. Yesterday she said she's afraid of me. Glad that she opened up. I made huge blunders when I allowed my daughters to witness 'arguments' between XW and I. I allowed frustrations to take over when XW 'wrings' me around town. My fault.
That could explain why D4 is afraid of me. She views me as the aggressor.
I'm taking small steps with D4. Wooing her like what Patientman suggests.
Plan to take my kids to watch a musical. I asks D4 if she wants to go and she said yes to me. Well, that's today. Don't know what will happen in the following days until showtime.

[MrBond]

Are there days that your kids can sleep over with you? Start pushing for that. They will be uncomfortable at first and very frustrating, but it will get better.

You need to start somewhere.

[planet]

Are there days that your kids can sleep over with you? Start pushing for that. They will be uncomfortable at first and very frustrating, but it will get better.

You need to start somewhere.

I have been thinking about this a lot.
I'm not sure I want to talk to XW about this and dive into another drama again.
Felt so sick after the last one.

I will talk to her when I feel ready.

Right now, I'm avoiding her. She's still rude when she speaks. It's better if she text. At least, it's polite.

[planet]

D4 is accepting me. Able to take her out a couple of times. She still wants her mom but it is much much better now. I'm happy with her change of heart.

Took the kids to the snow white musical. Fantastic show. The kids and I enjoyed it very much.
I arrived at 6 as agreed to pick up the kids. I had asked XW earlier to prepare them and have them take their dinner early. The show only provide snacks I reminded her. The kids were still sleeping.
XW was leaving for a wedding dinner and I asked her what time did the kids nap with a heavy sigh. Did she came at me fast and furious....

I have to wait until the kids wake up and to feed them as well. By then it was 7.30. The show starts at 8 and there was heavy traffic.

I was pretty anxious but my D4 kept on calming me. Ha! That's my girl.
Got there and managed to find parking. Practically had to run while carrying D3. D4 said she's tired. I apologized and she said 'it's alright papa, I can go on'. I'm so proud of D4.

Missed the 1st song and dance. However, still had a blast.

[labug]

Good for you, Planet. Sounds like a very nice time for the 3 of you.

[planet]

Good for you, Planet. Sounds like a very nice time for the 3 of you.

Yes and thank you.
It also looks like D4 was the adult for the night.:)

Seems like things will get much much better between D4 and I. She still needs some persuasion from XW and her relatives. I still don't understand why she is avoiding me.

I did ask about her unwillingness to follow me. I asked if she didn't like me. Didn't get any answer from her.
Is she afraid of me?
What happened to her after I left?
Am I pressuring a 4 year old too much with the questions?

[MrBond]

"It also looks like D4 was the adult for the night."

That's bad. I thought you were going to learn how to be a better parent.

"Seems like things will get much much better between D4 and I. She still needs some persuasion from XW and her relatives. I still don't understand why she is avoiding me."

Because she feels torn between the two of you. She feels like she's in the middle of a tug of war. She doesn't want to have your W be mad at her for being with you because she's seen the two of you argue so much with one another. That needs to stop.

"I did ask about her unwillingness to follow me. I asked if she didn't like me. Didn't get any answer from her.
Is she afraid of me?"

No and stop asking her questions. You have to make her feel comfortable and stop demanding snswers from her. She probably is confused and doesn't know why she feels the way she does. When are you going to start learning how to be a good parent. You said that you were going to read up on it.

[planet]

I thought you were going to learn how to be a better parent.

I am learning.

Because she feels torn between the two of you. She feels like she's in the middle of a tug of war. She doesn't want to have your W be mad at her for being with you because she's seen the two of you argue so much with one another. That needs to stop.

It has stopped.
That's why I avoid all contact with XW for now.
I know she'll just do what she does if I try to talk to her about the kids.

You have to make her feel comfortable and stop demanding snswers from her. She probably is confused and doesn't know why she feels the way she does.

She behaves differently after she follows me. We do have a good time.
I note that if I go 'hard' on her, she backs off.

You said that you were going to read up on it.

I did. And I try.

[planet]

The questions about her unwillingness to follow her father comes mostly from XW and her family. The 'pressure' is from there. I know they are just trying to help.

I don't ask often. Probably 3 times since D4 avoids me.
I don't demand answers from D4 too. I just let it go if she doesn't want to answer.

XW and I have come to an agreement if D4 doesn't want to follow, I'll just take D3 out instead.
It's best for the time being.