My Picnic Blanket

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Can MLC last this long?

Yes Busting, sadly it can.

But lets focus on the positives, ok? You get the whole bed to yourself!! The seat is NEVER left up, and you control the TV remote.

[beatrice]

Hi MLC lasts a long time. A long long time. The good news is that it ceases to worry you as much (see my latest posting. honestly I laughed and laughed/ I know it sounds heartless, but he is in such a total muddle, and it no longer gets to me. I just feel general bewilderment).

Life is good.

[job]

Bea,
I'm right there w/you.

MLC will take as last as it takes for the mlcer to face their demons, deal w/them and accept who they are. If they don't do the hard work of growing up, some will remain nutty buddies for the rest of their life, i.e., old men and women dressed and acting like teenagers. Bitter, lonely and broken down in many respects.

[BrightFuture]

Busting, is H going to be there for Christmas, with your SIL and BIL? I know how you feel. I’m going thought the same right now. I dread to see H and don’t want to pretend to be a happy family. Maybe this trip will show you if you want to continue this tradition or create a new one next year. Or, maybe by next year you will give a d@mn about H. Just enjoy your time with the family and try not to pay attention to H’s antics.

[Pudmuddle]

hi busting,

catching up here. I read where your H said to you he left things in the past and has moved on. I don't believe that. why? because if he had left things in the past, he wouldn't still be scowling at you, giving you dismissive looks, he would be HANDLING it well, and he is NOT. He has simply buried things, the things that hurt. So he is one unhappy man still and probably will be for awhile. If he is not dealing with it, then it is still there.

I hope that gives a small bit of comfort and hope. You stay strong for the holidays and remember it IS NOT YOU. It is Unhappy Man that can't deal with it.

[BrightFuture]

Pud, I could not say it better. I was thinking the same.

[labug]

What does busting want for busting?

What's good for you? Yes, you.

[CallaghanClown]

I have been reading other threads.

I need help to finally detach. I want to let go of whatever fear I am still holding on to.

Can you help me?

When does MLC stop being a crisis and just the way they are? When this first started h said he had left everything in the past- he wasn't angry at me and he has simply moved on. Does MLC really last this long? Do i ever start to just normalise relations wit him - whatever is happening- so T least we can alleviate some of this pressure off the kids? Off me?

If I said 01.01.2018 would that help? If I said never? If I said 31.01.2014?

They don't snap out of it. They didn't snap into it. It's gradual. Things will change slowly. Some will do back to 'normal', some will always be different. Some things may even be insufferable and you'll not want him back. But the 'him' he is now will change over time, do to MLC or time!

Detachment is thinking less about him and getting on with you. Only you can get there. Every time I'm there I get dragged back. I'll get there again, but today I'm not!

[bustingout]

WBW, KP, Portia, J3B, Bea, Job, BF, Pud, Labug, CC....

Thank you so much for your posts and thoughts. I have been thinking about it.

In my head I can understand that MLC will take as long as it takes... I wish I could put a timeframe on it. So I understand that we need to live our lives to the fullest because they are no longer a part of our lives. We should be living our lives to the fullest even if they are a part of them.

This is probably the most valuable lesson I have learned. Its my life with or without somebody sharing it with me.

I do value my time now, my time alone, my time with the kids and my time with friends. I still have work to do on my behaviors towards feelings that upset me.I still need to work on responding and not reacting especially with the kids.

J3B I do try and look at the positives. When I am struggling the most I make the effort to look that the positives (my son still keeps the seat up so....) And there are a lot of positives that have come out of this for me.

Sometimes H and I have good conversations about the kids and their futures and then he crawls back in his hole. This is where we are now. He is in his hole after a positive weekend of conversation about the kids.

I feel like I am in a constant state of 'waking up'. My feelings come into meaning for me. I feel like I am understanding love, and friendship now. What was wrong with me before? How did I think? How did I maintain relationships? Its like I was living in la la land. I cant imagine how i would be raising my kids if I had not had this experience. I am still figuring things out, but when I do struggle I know I have skills, and places to seek support that before I never had.

Thank you.

BF, yes, H will be on Christmas and new year holiday with us. He has expressed to me that I 'should' be there for the holidays. That is not why I go. I go for the kids and very fortunately my BIL and SIL support us and our family.

My SIL is amazing.

I agree Pud that he is not handling it well. Thank you for the way you expressed it.

Bug- What do I want? I want to come into my skin completely. I want to realise my full potential and I want to be reach my aspiration of being the woman and mother I see and I am still trying to be. I want to be that before I enter into another R. I want to release my fears and be ready for what comes next, not pulled back from what happened.


I do want H in my life. I can only NOW think that the only way he can be in my life is all in. He has not been all in or all out since this started and I dont want this to be the norm for the kids. I dont know. Right now I think clean break OR a R are the only options to make a great life for the kids. Either way, my work is the same.

Cc you are so insightful and I WISH I had your insight at your age. It is a blessed thing that despite what you are going through, you have the emotional maturity and grace to move forward. I never had that. I was so disillusioned. You are amazing.

H comes tomorrow for his surprise visit. Then we travel. I suppose he is uncomfortable with this too. Coming for D6, travlling for xmas as a family.

I wont touch it.

I am very apprehensive about this trip.

A part of me wants to let H go and leave him in the past and a part of me wants allow myself to be excited sbout the holidays.

We will get there in terms of detachment. I now we will.

[JuneReN]

Good luck, you will handle it with the grace I have come to expect from you

Sometimes, an extended amount of time with the WAS allows us to detach a bit further in "what on earth was I thinking?"

It's funny how I don't hold on to these feelings of good or bad anymore. It's more bemusement.