I think you are right. For so long I've bared all the pressure of the finances and she has not helped at all. I'm talking about before BD for years.

And Ive mentioned before that even her family thought that wasn't good for her self esteem because she was raised to not rely on her husband.

So I want her to sink all her paycheck into the massive hole that is our finances so she can have skin in the game as they say, and start to feel like she is helping. She wants this. So i think I need to stop making it harder for myself and stop being so kind.

If she wants to live here she needs to sink her paychecks in with mine and help me cover our expenses and know and feel how it is to work so hard and not be able to splash money around (like my life has been for over a decade).

Basically she needs to experience the pressures of paying bills and supporting a family like I have. She blamed all of our financial problems on me and never gave me the benefit of the doubt that I wa doing my best.

I'm going to let her pay all of it just like she wanted. Ill let that be the arrangement for a while until I can use it to springboard to a better place.


Me, H-34 now 38
W-32 now 35
T-13 now 18 years
M-6 now 9
Daughter 3 years now 7
Bomb 11/27/12 - OM
1 year in house separation
Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017