Mental and physics exhaustion can take its toll on us all.
Ayep…the more you keep staring at her – looking for a sign that she is moving closer to you – the more you are not looking at yourself and focusing on yourself.
JF – as AJM said, anger really is a b*tch but it much better to let it out than to internalize it.
I want you to know that although I may come across as being hard on you, I am really not trying to be. I know how tough it is with a live in MLCer that you still love. It is not easy man. I respect you for going down this path – most people would have just said F it.
I noticed something in your last post that I wanted to comment on….
Re: the kids starving for her attention, I struggled with this feeling for a long time – it was only recently that I really found the root of the feeling which allowed me to let go of that “weed”.
I used to feel bad for the kids, bad for my D that all she wanted was time with her mom but mom was busy living her life. That feeling would translate into anger. I would get pissed off that my kids were “suffering”. I would get pissed because the FIXER in me wanted to fix it for them….I wanted to kiss the kids booboo and make it all better for them. Recently an interesting thing happened…. – I took a step back, put on the pink tutu that I borrowed from Mach, pulled out my purple shovel with the pink handle that I picked up from Grit and dug deep to look at these feelings.
Why was I angry?
Why did I have these feelings?
What I came to realized is that underneath the “feelings”….was some residual anger I had towards my XW. Anger that was also fed by jealousy – Yep…pure old jealousy. I was jealous that no matter what she did to the kids, no matter how much she gave them or did not give them – they always just wanted her attention.
Okay so now I knew why I was angry? How does one deal with it?
First off, as a parent what is it that we want for our kids?
You would probably agree with me if I said…I want my kids to be happy. Right?
Well that is what I did JF – that is what I did. Not for her, not for the kids, really because that is who I am….
My kids are happy…they are happy when they see mom, even though they know she may be “different” – they are happy…so why shouldn’t I.
My point to this long story is this….
DB101 “change how you look at things”
Maybe you should look at the kids interactions with your W….as…they are happy.
That is not to say that you should NOT be angry – you can be angry JF…it’s okay….but at least for the kids sake, look up and thank God that they are happy. Be it with your OR with your w…they are happy.
Have a good weekend
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
