Like others, there have been various things that have kept me going along the way.
There is of course my love for my H and my vows.
In hindsight, I realize that I was very lucky in the fact that my H's "happy go lucky" mask cracked - or should I say shattered- pretty early on after bomb. I saw the deep, dark depression and self-hatred my H was experiencing. It made me have a lot of compassion for him. It still does.
I also realized that there was something seriously wrong with my H, and it wasn't me or our M.
There is also our children, a huge driving force for me. The thought of not being able to see my kids everyday is crushing to me. Split holidays and special occasions. A family broken apart. I wanted better for our kids, still do. But we don't always get the choice to be a complete family or not. That was a hard reality pill to swallow.
There is my determination to see this to the end, no matter what that may be. I didn't want any "what if's?" lingering around in my heart and mind. I wanted to know I did everything in my power to save my M and my family.
Lastly, there is hope. Sometimes it is only a tiny speck, but it is there, nudging me along when I think I can't go anymore.
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
